Morning rite went well. I forgot that when I’m here I can actually do that east facing window thing. It’s funny how perfectly that works out when I travel versus at home.

Sept 13-16th were the dates I was basically “given” for when I do the final days of this operation. Now I know what days I’ll need off from my upcoming job. I still plan to play this one by ear but yeah, the difficulty is knowing in advance…obviously.

I very nearly had a screaming fit in the car on my way back home from my parents’: “I’M NOT READY!” I can’t see how I’m not on the 18th month plan here, or some compromise in between. I’ve come a long way, yeah, but shit I have way too much to do before then. What will I do, the spiritual equivalent of the Insanity workout program? That’s 60 days too, that program. I’ve done it, heck got certified in it even. Will my HGA take on the likeness of Shaun T and tell me to “dig deeper”? Yell at me to “sprint”? 5-4-3-2-1!

Someone online is claiming K&C is “enlightenment” and that the six months can be done in a single day in our time. Really? Gods help us all if that were the case; I don’t think obtaining enlightenment is anywhere near this simple, nor do I think any of us are off turning water into wine after we complete the rite successfully. I also think trying to do this in a single day is laughable at best. I think there’s a LOT of hype around the Abramelin; yes, it’s incredibly life altering and it’s a huge door opener, so to speak, but there are some magicians out there with unrealistic expectations of the rite. I hope I am not one of them given my own thoughts on what I’m hoping to achieve, but…yeah. But a day? No.

Supposedly I have two months and a week left of this operation if on the 6 month plan. Gods help me.

The family drama also continues. I think I’ll visit my dad again before my mom returns, I think he’ll need it.

Evening rite went well.

Morning rite went well.

With all of the family drama that is gearing into soap territory, I am beginning to feel like the calm eye of the center of the storm. Given all that I have going on, this is saying much.

I went out today to the mall with my dad, and later met up with a friend over coffee. What is happening right now and how it is coming in is insanely, ridiculously subtle but it’s painfully clear: I need to be incredibly choosy about the time I spend with others and whom I spend it with, and evaluate seriously how much time I want to spend among others, how many people, and when. I am turning into Sookie Stackhouse. I am reacting to things said before they are said, without them being said, and it’s more than my usual picking up on moods and emotions. Now that the usual chatter and static in me is being silenced, what is normally going on in the background is coming through more loudly and clearly than what I am used to.

I need to remain grounded, and focused. Gods help me when I start the regular day job in a few weeks.

Evening rite went well.

Morning rite went well.

Today I took a trip to visit my dad as my mom is away with family. Had some good breakthroughs today, which remind me of how far I’ve come but how much yet I need to go.

I am overdue for a fasting day but don’t feel an urgency to do so. I am wondering how much my HGA really cares about such things; I have no idea. I hope for a sign one way or another.

Things are in transition, and I don’t quite know where I’m going.

Evening rite went well.

Up at dawn, so I did the morning rite in a timely fashion. Funny how that works. My dreams these days have been strange, last night’s was no exception. In one of them, I was getting my hair done and I looked completely like someone else, had someone else’s face, and had short, spiky blonde hair. In the past few nights I’ve also been dreaming about many levels and floors of some large building, floods and terrorism, etc. The constant are those floors and going up and down from one to the next. I have become aware that there are two parts of me: one that is fearful, anxious, and freaking out and another which is at peace, in tune with my gods, and connected in a way that I am not always able to be, at least consciously. It is this part of me I feel is connected with my HGA and is most aware of his presence.

Today was more “coincidences” piled on top of more “coincidences”. I can’t help but put those into quotes. I think of how I’m ten days away from phase three and I really don’t feel remotely prepared.

I bought a book on someone’s experiences with mediumship; I think I need it.

Evening rite went well.

Morning rite went well.

I spent all of today socializing and professionally networking. Some of it involved interacting with alumni from my college, people I had hung out with on a regular basis over a decade ago. The whole thing got me thinking about my past, what I took away from it, what I left behind, and whether or not I had any regrets as to how I lived it.

I have always been busy busy busy, ridiculously busy, just trying to fit everything in. And I’m wondering if all of those things I tried to fit in were genuinely important on a bigger scale. As much as I have in my life right now, I have less going on. It’s calmer. I’m more…focused.

Evening rite went well.

I found myself thinking before I fell asleep that I was very much not ready for phase three let alone the completion of this operation. I stressed over this for a good couple of minutes before the thinking part of my mind kicked in and realized what that meant.

Morning rite went well. I had some interesting dreams which made me realize once more that purifications still are necessary. However, I am pissing off all of the right forces in this world, and quite all right with that.

I sometimes wonder if this whole operation will be like uniting Jadzia with Dax, and then I remember that I am a nerd on many, many fronts.

Some valuable lessons learned today on the self employment front. The goal is looking closer than ever. By the gods, this would be amazing.

I have a lot to be grateful for. I also have a great deal I still need to work on. So much of this is “wax on, wax off”–when do I hit the deep stuff? But I guess it’s all deep stuff in the end, and I needed to come out of my fortress of solitude and make some lasting effects in the waking world. What am I ultimately being prepared for?

Help me, help me o gods.

Evening rite went well.

Morning rite went well.

I started out the work day with prayers, then got to working…and thinking. Cultivating that mindfulness remains a challenge, but I “check in” every now and again to make sure I’m not overly stressing myself out and/or going into auto pilot. Setting my own schedule and working my own rules, could be too easy to do.

I feel very strongly I’ve been given the opportunity to become self employed and am in the process of doing so. I must also maintain my focus. At least this isn’t a “new” business; it’s just the opportunity to do it full time, be consistent with it, and learn how to manage it better. I’m essentially moving from hobby to career with it, and it’s honestly what I need. It’s what I’d rather be doing full time.

I may be traveling in a week to visit my dad for a few days while my mom is away.

Today is Zeus day, so I did a small offering rite for him after this evening’s rite.

Morning rite went well.

I still have stresses to deal with as far as the next job goes. As in, depending on the background check I may not start until July 21st. Interestingly that’s around the time I should be starting phase 3. Interesting.

Everything else, however, is falling into place. I wonder how ironic it would be if I were to get my self employment in gear before they get their own asses in gear.

I stayed up too late but managed to get my evening rite in, which went okay. Of course with schedule changes comes time management. I’ll iron out the kinks and be mindful.