Abramelin, day 113

Morning rite went…okay. I think. I barely remember it. I just remember waking up, realizing it was daylight and before I could fall back asleep again knew I had to do the rite.

Prayers at noon while on the road. I might as well ease into this phrase three thing gracefully, or at least as much as I can. I just have this feeling that I need to do so ASAP. I still feel overwhelmed and anxious, but I feel better doing it. I bought an entire box of Three Kings charcoal from my friend’s occult shop; that should tide me over for the rest of the rite…hopefully.

My day today was mostly spent traveling and recovering from traveling, plus reviewing my notes for phase three.

Evening rite went well. I started to feel almost high during it, and after. Wow.

Abramelin, day 112

Morning rite went well.

The side business continues to increase, and so does the family drama. My grandmother–my last remaining grandparent–is not doing too well. It’s beyond mere memory loss; it’s been looking more like Alzheimer’s. I keep wondering how much longer she’s got. I really hope not soon because I am done with death. I’m still dealing with the loss of my friend and really don’t want to deal with any more. Interestingly, the death of my grandfather, her husband, was part of what fueled my initial contact with my HGA. My mom flies back from packing her up on the same day I start my new job and around the time on the Julian and not lunar calendar cycle I would start phase three.

Purifications need to happen, and badly–but that’s a whole other story. It could be my environment, my proximity to phase three–or all of the above. I don’t know if the problem is internal or external, and I do not care. All the bullshit will be burned away. Purify, cleanse, heal.

Evening rite went well.

Abramelin, day 111

Morning rite went well.

So many crazy, vivid dreams. My airplane dream has come again. I’m always trying to make my flight on time, this time I prayed to Hermes to get to my gate on time and I did. It was gate “A107G”, whatever the fuck that means. I was on my way there after spending time in an intermediate place, some hotel room all in white and my stuff everywhere. The rest of the dreams focused around travel and people whom I haven’t dreamed about in ages. So much astral travel.

I am thinking it is sanest to really start phase three this weekend versus when I think it’s supposed to start, which is tomorrow. If I go with the 28 days = 1 month rule, 56 + 56 = 112, and that’s tomorrow. Ugh. I’ve been reading and rereading what I need, lots of stuff about retiring from all business, good luck with that when you have a mortgage. I think my gods will be sane about that.

And of COURSE the only almond wands I can find online are coated with beeswax. The one thing I shouldn’t have had ANY difficulties getting vegan (seriously, it’s wood from a tree, it’s a freaking plant, wtf), rendered not vegan. Awesome.

On occasion, I’ve received “advice” from people, usually that I should keep silent and secret about this entire working and shouldn’t be blogging about it online. It’s interesting that it’s phrased that way versus “That’s something I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing or would want to do myself”, but outright telling me how to go about the Abramelin and in talking about it with others. All of these people have one thing in common: none of them have actually done the Abramelin. I’m not offended; it’s actually a bit amusing and slightly perplexing. I personally would never give advice to someone on something I have never done and therefore would know nothing about, but that’s me. I’m not sure what it is about this rite in particular which brings out certain qualities in people. I keep wondering, do people feel threatened? What about it bothers them so? Do they honestly believe I’m REALLY blogging about every little tiny personal thing? I’ve never been remotely that open, nor would I ever be. I don’t think it’s a genuine “OMG! TMI!” reaction that I’m getting; I’ve certainly blogged about nothing that should’ve brought about such a response. There’s something about this rite which brings all the ego out of people. I’m not sure if it’s because this rite in particular has been enshrined on such a pedestal or it’s the evidence that people are out there, doing the Work–or maybe it’s the alchemy of the rite itself given how it’s already bleeding over onto my immediate family and they aren’t even remotely mystical. It’s funny; I was thinking about this in the car on my way here hours before the exchange had occurred. Not everyone is going to be inspired or empowered by what I’m doing and what I will accomplish. Some will be threatened. VERY threatened. I’ve watched a similar occurrence when I ditched over 100 lbs worth of weight in a year: some were inspired, some wanted to learn more about what I did so they could get healthy themselves, and others didn’t want to have anything to do with me afterward because they couldn’t handle the fact that I managed to do that for myself. A few got mean, others just cut me out of their lives entirely with no warning. But I’ll tell you what it did inspire me to do years later: become a fitness coach.

I expect this rite to have similar consequences, and I expect that to increase, not decrease, including long after the rite has been accomplished and I am “settling in”. If anyone’s looking for any prophecies from me these days, there you go, one for the books. But I don’t need psychic powers to determine that; I’ve already had my several warnings and heads-up about it in more ways than one.

Hermes help me. Apollo help me. Dionysos help me.

My trip to visit my dad has gone well so far. I definitely see an increased need for purifications once this trip is through, not due to the trip but due to some of the, shall I say, “disturbances” during and before it. The heat’s getting cranked up and everything’s coming in. I am going to need to be as isolated as possible during phase three aside from what I need to get by and thrive.

Evening rite went well.

Abramelin, day 110

Morning rite went well.

Days and nights aren’t having much difference. Day two of my new exercise regime, got a chance to cuddle cats and get work done.

Some issues in the evening have reminded me of cases not closed and loose ends I’d like resolved either by the end of the Abramelin or not long after. Phase three is rapidly approaching, and I’m not prepared. Not even remotely. I feel beyond inadequate.

Evening rite went well.

Abramelin, day 109

Morning rite went well, although I almost forgot to wash my hands and face as I was stumbling to get into there this morning. I have been waking up mildly dehydrated and until I get some water in me, thoughts do not come to me very coherently let alone anything else.

Today I awoke to good news, my side business is continuing to take off. I am truly on a roll, and I can’t stop now. I am also completely cleared to start my new job on the 21st, which is also when my mom should be finishing up her latest family drama. I am starting to wonder if the Abramelin is affecting people around me given the timing of way too many events around my entering phase three.

I spent today planting more seeds for my business, working out, cooking healthy food to eat, and watching South Park. Not bad.

Evening rite went well.


Abramelin, day 108

I awoke at dawn, and so I went in and did the rite. It went well.

It occurred to me that part of my upset stomach yesterday could be my need to do a fasting/cleansing day. Being as active as I am, I have subconsciously been resisting the idea. Since today is Sunday and I plan to do the purification bath (Apollo’s day is perfect for this sort of thing) I could also do some sort of special fasting day. I will pray for guidance in this.

All of this lack of a regular day job is useful, but can’t help but think it would’ve been better for me during phase 3. It’s going to be VERY strange for me to have a regular day job in a few weeks, stranger still to do it at the start of phase 3. I don’t think there’s a “typical” Abramelin experience but so far I think I’m breaking the mold right, left, and center.

Been doing reading on the fasting thing, sunset to sunset makes the most sense. I will say however that the last four hours were brutal. I even started to not feel so well. At least I didn’t work out or go for any walks, or anything. Tomorrow starts a new fitness program, too. I also did a purification bath today.

Several divinations by myself and others seem to indicate I’m on the right track. Lots of repetition about following my intuition, balance between material and spiritual worlds. Good.

Evening rite went well.

Abramelin, day 107

Morning rite went well.

The lamp is totally busted, with or without a new bulb. Probably the power strip is equally busted.

I spent the day running errands and feeling very much like the calm before the storm. Took a long walk to and from dinner, ate and promptly felt VERY unwell afterwards. Could be after effects from ritual. I need to rethink my diet and my indulgences.

Evening rite went well.

Abramelin, day 106

Morning rite went well.

The drama with my family is getting worse, not better. I hope to distance myself from it as much as possible but since it so intensely concerns my mom, good luck with that.

The volume knob on internal stresses and irritations has been turned WAY up in the past day or two and I’m rather wondering why. Is it my subconscious going into hyperdrive with all that I have on me right now? I’m guessing so.

Did a pretty intense ritual prior to this evening’s Abramelin rite, focusing on burning away obstacles. Evening rite went okay, but am VERY spacey and buzzed. My lamp was flickering like a strobe light before I even started, now it won’t even turn on. I’ve never had electronics go haywire like that on me. Wow.

Well, um. Bring it, I guess.

Abramelin, day 105

Morning rite went well. I forgot that when I’m here I can actually do that east facing window thing. It’s funny how perfectly that works out when I travel versus at home.

Sept 13-16th were the dates I was basically “given” for when I do the final days of this operation. Now I know what days I’ll need off from my upcoming job. I still plan to play this one by ear but yeah, the difficulty is knowing in advance…obviously.

I very nearly had a screaming fit in the car on my way back home from my parents’: “I’M NOT READY!” I can’t see how I’m not on the 18th month plan here, or some compromise in between. I’ve come a long way, yeah, but shit I have way too much to do before then. What will I do, the spiritual equivalent of the Insanity workout program? That’s 60 days too, that program. I’ve done it, heck got certified in it even. Will my HGA take on the likeness of Shaun T and tell me to “dig deeper”? Yell at me to “sprint”? 5-4-3-2-1!

Someone online is claiming K&C is “enlightenment” and that the six months can be done in a single day in our time. Really? Gods help us all if that were the case; I don’t think obtaining enlightenment is anywhere near this simple, nor do I think any of us are off turning water into wine after we complete the rite successfully. I also think trying to do this in a single day is laughable at best. I think there’s a LOT of hype around the Abramelin; yes, it’s incredibly life altering and it’s a huge door opener, so to speak, but there are some magicians out there with unrealistic expectations of the rite. I hope I am not one of them given my own thoughts on what I’m hoping to achieve, but…yeah. But a day? No.

Supposedly I have two months and a week left of this operation if on the 6 month plan. Gods help me.

The family drama also continues. I think I’ll visit my dad again before my mom returns, I think he’ll need it.

Evening rite went well.


Abramelin, day 104

Morning rite went well.

With all of the family drama that is gearing into soap territory, I am beginning to feel like the calm eye of the center of the storm. Given all that I have going on, this is saying much.

I went out today to the mall with my dad, and later met up with a friend over coffee. What is happening right now and how it is coming in is insanely, ridiculously subtle but it’s painfully clear: I need to be incredibly choosy about the time I spend with others and whom I spend it with, and evaluate seriously how much time I want to spend among others, how many people, and when. I am turning into Sookie Stackhouse. I am reacting to things said before they are said, without them being said, and it’s more than my usual picking up on moods and emotions. Now that the usual chatter and static in me is being silenced, what is normally going on in the background is coming through more loudly and clearly than what I am used to.

I need to remain grounded, and focused. Gods help me when I start the regular day job in a few weeks.

Evening rite went well.