Tag Archives: Apollo

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Abramelin, day 157

Woke up at 3am and couldn’t get back to sleep. “Heard” one of my kitties crying, then about 15 minutes later she was scratching at my door and mewing like crazy. Went outside, cuddled her and my other kitty, went back to bed, still couldn’t get to sleep until maybe 6am. By the time I finally did, I wound up dreaming of waking up the next day, being far too tired for my own good, and getting into the car and suddenly I was full blown, wide open: I could equally see the astral plane/psychic realm just as clearly as the physical world, both at once. And I knew that driving like that would not be a good thing.

Woke up later than normal time, morning rite went as well as expected. The drive to work was not quite as intense as the dream predicted but note to self, sleep is important. I couldn’t help it but today was full blown, sleep depped madness.

Noon prayer rite went well, walk after.

Went to the movies and dinner tonight by myself, got back home. Still sleep depped madness.

Gods help me.

It hit me that my problem is not that I need to become more psychic; I’m more than psychic enough. The key is being open to what’s already there. Once that wall is blown wide open and I can open and close it more readily by will alone, things will get more interesting.

Evening rite went well. Goodnight Night Vale, goodnight.

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Abramelin, day 138

Morning rite went well. I did not sleep very well, I woke up around dawn and didn’t get to go back to sleep.

The issue I raised in my previous entry has been resolved. I decided to go public and just be honest about what happened and why I chose to abandon the group. I need to start listening to my gut instinct about people and stop with the “benefit of the doubt” nonsense and questioning my feelings over and over again with the idea that I must somehow be wrong about people and that I’m condemning them with no proof. I don’t have to blacklist people I feel that way about but I really need to be more careful in the future. I try to hard to see the best in people and be openminded and sometimes it comes to bite me in the butt. I am truly an idealistic pessimist. I did not want to see this person as ugly as they are, but…there you have it.

No one can say I didn’t try.

Noon prayer rite went well, did my usual walk. I needed to get out and be alone for a bit, think about everything and whether or not I approached things the right way, and what to do for the next time. Honestly, my only takeaway from all of this is to trust myself more on my instincts about people. I try and fail to recall any time I’ve been wrong in that regard.

I’ve decided to stop stressing about the end date. If I’m ready by September, I am. If I’m not ready until Nov, Jan, March, whatever, I don’t care. It’s about the journey and I need to focus on that. If I’m meant to take a week off at some date I’m sure I’ll get some sort of notification or instinct to do so in advance so I can take it off from work.

I feel so much better now in so many respects. My conscience is clear on the drama issue and I feel a lot better about when this rite will be completed. I don’t want to feel rushed nor do I want to drag my heels. It’s about the process. I’ll be done baking when I’m done baking.

Evening rite went well. I am filled with immense gratitude at how different things are now versus before I started this rite in ways I can’t even begin to get into. I will be fine. Everything will be fine.

 

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Abramelin, day 134

Morning rite went well, and afterwards I was up for the day. It got me to work earlier, so I got to leave earlier. Even better!

Noon prayer rite went well also.

I have a lot on my mind. The audiobook, a movie I saw recently…there’s some very interesting synchronicity going on, and I have a lot to ponder in regards to magic and manifestation.

Tonight I wound up doing for the second time a tarot-less reading. Apparently a prayer to Apollo was all that was needed, an intense burst of energy shot down onto the top of my head, straight through my body…shit was intense, I’m still high. It went on from there. If I had been wondering how the Abramelin has been affecting my psychic ability, I guess I don’t need to wonder or worry too much anymore.

Evening rite went well. Holy hell, I am still incredibly high and a bit dizzy.

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Abramelin, day 129

I woke up at dawn on the dot, so I managed to get enough water in me to think straight in order to do the morning rite. Went well.

I had a very strange, very vivid dream afterward which was entirely on the astral, knew I was dreaming, etc. Some of those purification issues have come up again. Interesting.

Noon rite went well, but was delayed by quite a bit due to a two hour call with my mom. The amount of family drama that has been going on has been escalating to daytime tv drama levels. I am now physically and mentally in pain; I need a hot bath and a glass of wine, but Abramelin. I could do just the hot bath maybe with some kombucha from Whole Foods? Tea? Yes, tea.

My mom reminded me of someone whom I was very good friends with in high school and lost touch with them sometime while I was in college. Found him on LinkedIn, and he’s local to me. Small, weird world I live in.

And today I get an invite to be one of the admins of a page called Pythia, do oracles on behalf of Apollo. This is the second Apollo priestess related thing I’ve been invited to join in the past few weeks that can transform into a Big Deal. Apollo is the god I’ve gone on a divinatory/psychic path for; I’ve always had gifts in that respect and after he came into my life, that path became very much associated with him. Moments after I invite several people to like the page, I got a comment from someone that both touched and overwhelmed me. It may have been the best compliment I’ve received in a very long time.

I also finally got the laundry done.

Evening rite went well.

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Abramelin, day 119

I had two interesting dreams, one where I was attending some high school somewhere, didn’t have a class schedule but remembered having been there before at least once. There was some bus that had to take you to a different part of the high school and I had a class there. In the second dream, I was with Apollo and Dionysos, but was mostly talking with Apollo. Dionysos was fairly quiet, no idea why. I remember something about Doric Greek was bought up and I had asked the difference between it and Attic Greek, and was told it was like the difference between “Baahston” and “Boston”. Interesting.

This rite needs no strange drugs.

I woke up at dawn but was unable to stay awake; I had gone to bed earlier than usual because I was totally and utterly wiped and falling asleep around 10pm. My stomach is unhappy and I got the very clear message that today is fasting day whether I like it or not, and I get to do it until sunset. This is the part of the rite I struggle with most given I workout. It’s no excuse but I need to just suck it. I shouldn’t have to eat food that I know will make my clean food eating body sick in order to get me to do this, but hey…at least I’ll feel better about working out knowing that I had a calorie surplus the previous day.

Morning rite went well.

This image has popped up in my FB feed in ridiculous frequency and at interesting moments:

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Noon rite went well. Got in a workout, plus lots of tea.

Social media is both good and bad for me right now. It contains…opinions. Lots of opinions. Some are helpful, some are not. In some instances I can be of help, and some I cannot. I’ve heard the advice to avoid ALL social media during the last few months, but my business requires it. And of course I hear I shouldn’t be doing business, but I’m starting a new job next week and need to be able to pay my mortgage.

There are no ideal circumstances. If I waited for such to do this rite, I would never do it. I have to trust in my gods that given common sense and me not being a doofus that the roads will be made open for me and things will work out. I have to try, even if it means sticking it out a little longer than 6 months.

Gods help me, I need to get my shit together.

Finished the fast at sunset with a nice, cleansing ritual shower, the evening rite, then food.

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Abramelin, day 101

Morning rite went well. It must be added, however, that the purification thing? Not kidding around. No leeway. I started doing laundry so fast this morning I was freaking out my cats. I still don’t know if what I saw was a hallucination upon awakening or some really huge ass bug was on my blanket, but gods. Purification is a serious thing.

I wanted to go for a fasting day too, but I wound up in a place where someone (very Italian) went out of their absolute way to make me vegan food and I utterly cannot violate hospitality rules (Greeks and Italians have much in common). So I will do it on another day, but today regardless was laundry to wash bedding, ritual bath, and regular rite to Apollo.

As I was reading last night before I fell asleep, it hit me: this entire rite has been reprogramming my subconscious in a very deliberate and intentional fashion. This is a definite. I am not the same person with the same reactions that I had to events and things 101 days ago, and quite frankly this is a blessing I can’t even begin to get into in my online journal entries here, nor would I want to. Suffice to say I had a lot of healing work to undergo and what has taken place for me is nothing short of a miracle.

However…I still have a LONG way to go in a lot of respects and in many ways I can’t honestly see how I’d possibly be done by the 6 month mark, but I don’t know if I can see me taking as long as 18 months either.

Evening rite went okay, but feeling pretty overwhelmed right now.

 

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Abramelin, day 85

Morning rite went well. I am trying not to whine but it’s hard.

Last night, I found a recent job posting online from a consulting company I used to work for in 2012, so I applied. Phone conversation taking place today at 10am. My fingers are crossed, as I enjoyed working with them before.

I know I need to do that relaxing and letting go thing. It’s hard when it comes down to basic shit like survival, paying the mortgage, etc. Maybe that whole “My HGA won’t let me starve and Hermes is usually ridiculously good to me in this arena” will hold true, and I will just…breathe. The problem is this: I keep having the door slammed in my face with the same line: “Too many ‘short term’ jobs”. Full time places are panicked I’ll bail, and contracting places look at me and think I’ll prefer a full time role. It’s to the point where I feel like I can’t win. At a place I have a proven track record with, maybe there is hope.

Next Wednesday I leave for a fitness coach conference in Vegas. The idea of my continuing to do the Abramelin under these circumstances is perhaps hilarious, but there is nothing more alchemical than getting up at 5am every day to do a 6:30am workout with trainers like Shaun T and Tony Horton. Also, the timing is lovely; it’ll force me away from the job hunting nonsense to focus on my overall health and well-being. I also have plans to meet up with fellow Hellenic polytheists for a Summer Solstice ritual in honor of Apollo–who just happen to live in Vegas. There are no coincidences in this world. I will do my usual ritual for when I am traveling; it worked out well in the past for both the charity walk and the visit to my parents’.

The friend of mine who had died in a fire at the start of this operation, her boyfriend finally posted to FB with the story of what led up to the fire and after. That was a painful, painful read. As expected, he is fully blaming himself and thinks he is damned. I felt compelled to write him, because I KNOW she would never want him to beat himself up like that.

Meanwhile, I decide to take the day off, and four recruiters contact me each with different positions which are exactly what I’m looking for. Maybe the message is “stop working and it’ll come.” Hm. Maybe I’m trying too hard. Hm. Now I’ve been emailed to help out with a major travel site for fitness blogging. Hm. Hm. Well. Funny how when I just relax and stop working and stressing over shit…hm.

There’s something to this, and that something is going with the Flow. I’ve also referred to it as “riding the Tao”, and it’s that sweet spot in between letting go and working your Will.

I wonder if so much of what I’m learning in my job search is “Wax on, wax off.”

Evening rite went well.

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Abramelin, day 80

Yesterday was incense day and today will be cleansing bath day. I need to add more cleansing and purification rites, whatever I can, whenever I can. And Sunday IS Apollo’s day as far as I’m concerned. 🙂

Morning rite went well, as did the purification bath later. I spent a good chunk of the day when not working out on purifying and cleansing rituals, offering rites to Apollo. Later on in the evening I was part of an initiation rite for my coven.

I am nervous about the days ahead. All those interviews and craziness. Too many balls in the air and so much uncertainty.

Evening rite went well.

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Abramelin, day 78

Morning rite went well.

I attended an entrepreneurial workshop and did food shopping afterwards, and I…am now very strongly realizing why increased isolation is important. You are integrating a LOT into your system and are going to get hypersensitive. My typical natural multitasking of various processes, physical world vs psychic, gets VERY taxed. Talking to people can get challenging, almost irritating. I spent half the shopping trip in overload. I gotta adapt and get used to it or life is going to get much tougher, much faster. It’s a lot like exercising and stretching, exercising and stretching, repeat, coupled with repeatedly trying to correct bad posture that is bad out of habit.

Had yet another phone screening that will lead to more phone screenings. I’m so exhausted. I want to either win the lottery or go into business for myself already. This is nuts. I have so much to deal with and I just want to run away from it all already.

Purify and let go, purify and let go.

Evening rite went well. Long prayers to Apollo. Very long.

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Abramelin, day 75

Morning rite went well. Woke up with a LOT of energy. Did a good quantity of workouts and got active. Beautiful out, too.

Today I did the property exchange at work and had another face to face interview. I didn’t get the job from the Friday interview but I have more interviews lined up. Ultimately I know what I need: a job that will keep me afloat and still able to work on my side jobs until they can be the main ones.

When situations repeat, you wonder why. What is going on? Why can’t I break this cycle? What will it take for me to not be here again? With each job search, I ask these questions.

Did some reading and contemplation before the rite when it struck me: why am I not going to Apollo more often during the Abramelin? God of oracles, divination, and purification. Kinda seems natural and he is after all, for the lack of a better term, my “primary” patron deity after all. Okieday then.

Evening rite went well, Apollo’s presence felt very strongly. Think I’m finally onto something. Let’s see if I’m right.