Abramelin, day 123

Up before dawn, so morning rite went well.

Today was my first day at the new job. So far I have discovered that they are incredibly work from home friendly, the commute is a bit long for my tastes, but great for personal development audiobooks, and the people are nice. There’s even a BBQ for half a day this Friday and alcohol in the fridge, so they don’t seem terribly uptight. A bit on the quiet side, but that’s great for just sinking back into phase three and getting my crap done.

There’s also a small shower room in the bathroom. You get in, and according to the compass app on my phone, it faces east. Perfect for visiting at noon for the prayer/rite.

Evening rite went well. I thought of how taxed I feel right now, maybe needing to find a way to work smarter, not harder. Perhaps by doing one thing on my list it’ll knock off most of the items, a keystone step if you will. As I did, I turned to look at Hermes’ statue, and I swear I saw him sticking his tongue out at me.

Of course, that’s probably what the Abramelin rite is supposed to be doing…not sticking its tongue out at me, but being the keystone that unlocks other things so I spend less time running around trying to do a ton of shit.

Abramelin, day 122

I awoke from one of my numerous “I’m trying to get to my damned flight” dreams where the guy who was driving me to the airport was taking forever, had me waiting instead at a T stop, and I was about to miss the flight. I was frustrated, freaking out, and wondering if I had the money to get on a later flight if they charged me. I am wondering where that guy was trying to take me and am wondering if I was being detoured from the plane ride into a slightly longer but better route. I’ve had these stupid plane dreams for years now; I know what they’re about but this latest one has me puzzled.

Morning rite went well.

I almost lost track of time; Sundays will do that to you. I got to my rite around a quarter after noon.

Today needs to be “workouts and laundry day”, but my body is having none of it. My energy levels are much lower than usual and my stomach is bothering me. I’d blame last night’s dinner but I was a bit off yesterday too. I honestly blame the joys of hormones. I spent most of the day lying in bed. I guess this is once again the Powers That Be forcing me to slow the fuck down. I got some food in me and did a workout later on at night, but it wasn’t what I would’ve preferred.

I was “directed” (I put that in quotes) from either my HGA or one of my deities, not entirely sure which, to get No Ordinary Moments on Kindle. One of the first things it covered was the idea that your work, family, etc is ALL a part of your “spiritual life” and struggles in such can help you grow on all levels. This is essentially the idea I’ve come into this rite with; the idea that I didn’t need to totally remove myself into some far off, secluded wilderness in order to do this rite and that barely anyone could do it in the 21st century unless they were self employed, financially independent, unemployed by choice or force, etc. Knowing how my normal 9-5 jobs go, it will probably be seclusion enough. Few jobs are more introverted than software development.

First day back tomorrow, I am overwhelmed. I hope this works out. This better work out.

Evening rite went well.


On Adeptship

The discussion has been brought up on The Great Work list: “what level of adeptship do we feel ourselves to be”? I wound up writing an email long enough that I figured it belonged as a blog post.

Before you can delve into determining level of adeptship, you first must answer the question of what an adept is.

If we’re talking about the general term, the literal dictionary term means “Someone who is skilled or proficient at something”. If we get into certain occult traditions, the term becomes far, far more loaded. I’m going to approach it from the literal dictionary definition and not press forward on any one tradition.
We become adept at something or an adept through years of study, practice, and experience. We are not likely to get there overnight, and the idea that this can be brought to us in an instant through an initiation is actually absurd. It’s akin to saying that merely giving me a college diploma gives me all of the knowledge I need when in fact it’s just an acknowledgement of the work I’ve already done. All an initiation can do for you is just that, simply acknowledge what you have already done, and bring you to the next level that you may realize just how much of a neophyte you still are on the path. Life doesn’t end after graduation.
I am adept at Usui Reiki and various other Reiki traditions because I have studied, practiced, and experienced them for years. I am adept at divination, particularly tarot, for the same reason. I am adept in the Golden Dawn tradition for also the same reason. I can claim the same for computer programming, particularly C# and .NET development.
The idea of mastering something, whether it be a craft, tradition, or any one skill, comes through focus and perseverance. It does not imply perfection, nor does it mean you have nothing left to learn. I’ve spent a decade or more in any of the above that I listed, and never once have I felt that there was a stopping point; perhaps a desire to focus on another tradition or move on, but in any of them I have the capacity to teach and transfer information.
It’s interesting; right now I’m in the process of transferring out of the IT industry into a completely different career, and after my time in the Golden Dawn I went onto other things. I don’t think it’s unusual once you’ve gained a particular skill that what you’ve learned from it is something which guides you into another direction. I still engage in Golden Dawn related discussions and talk with people in the tradition all the time, and much of my knowledge and experiences I’ve gained from it continue to benefit me in day to day life.
At present, I am eyeballs deep in the Abramelin rite. Various traditions stress the importance of doing this once you’ve reached the level of adeptness, and yet it’s something you can do even as a neophyte. I do think however like all forms of personal development that doing any one thing is easier once you’ve already done a good deal of personal work.
A huge part of mastery is self-mastery, and even in business people stress the idea of doing personal development and growth. The most invaluable thing about the Golden Dawn, IMHO, is its elemental alchemy which provides a basis for doing just that. People who race through the grades like people collecting Girl/Boy Scout badges miss the boat entirely, and are depriving themselves of the most powerful aspect that particular tradition has to offer. I cannot stress its importance enough. It is far, far more important than all of the memorization and ritual that the grades have to offer, and will make you into a much more magically efficacious magician.

Abramelin, day 121

Morning rite went well. Noontime I had to do prayers in the car, they felt sloppy and distracted. It’s REALLY hard to do this away from home and my temple room, but I have to find a way to do this mindfully and without distraction. Maybe I can escape outdoors when at my new job or even to the restroom or something, but it has to be done mindfully or there’s no point.

Yesterday was a strange day. I spent most of it in a seminar for my business, and the rest was at home, working with clients and reading up on personal development. In the evening I took a break for myself to watch tv and play games.

I am badly in need of more patience with myself; my anxiety and frustration over my current circumstances is beginning to leak all over everything. I gotta to rein my focus in a bit.

Evening rite went well.

Abramelin, day 120

I sometimes wonder if in my next life, I will be reborn as a millennial. A much younger Millennial. But I’m one of those generational cuspies, and here I am.

Morning rite went well. Doing it at dawn seems to be the going thing right now along with doing it at sunset. As for noon…no idea how to handle that once I start work. I think I will be doing some sort of prayer/meditation and work at it from there.

My side business is taking off to ridiculous amounts now. As a gesture of goodwill and gratitude, I’ve signed myself up for another regular charity donation towards a cause I support. It’s well timed with the upcoming job, the phase I’m in, and everything. I feel good about it.

I seem to be thinking “Gods help me” a lot lately, but it’s how I feel. Shit’s getting overwhelming.

I think during my last week of this rite, I will save my posts as drafts and go into radio silence. I may make them public or publish them as part of a greater essay. So many thoughts throughout this rite. I try to communicate them but this “I” gets in the way. I am getting in my own way. I don’t think I can communicate them, really. Not yet.

I strive to be worthy of my Holy Guardian Angel.

Evening rite went well.

Abramelin, day 119

I had two interesting dreams, one where I was attending some high school somewhere, didn’t have a class schedule but remembered having been there before at least once. There was some bus that had to take you to a different part of the high school and I had a class there. In the second dream, I was with Apollo and Dionysos, but was mostly talking with Apollo. Dionysos was fairly quiet, no idea why. I remember something about Doric Greek was bought up and I had asked the difference between it and Attic Greek, and was told it was like the difference between “Baahston” and “Boston”. Interesting.

This rite needs no strange drugs.

I woke up at dawn but was unable to stay awake; I had gone to bed earlier than usual because I was totally and utterly wiped and falling asleep around 10pm. My stomach is unhappy and I got the very clear message that today is fasting day whether I like it or not, and I get to do it until sunset. This is the part of the rite I struggle with most given I workout. It’s no excuse but I need to just suck it. I shouldn’t have to eat food that I know will make my clean food eating body sick in order to get me to do this, but hey…at least I’ll feel better about working out knowing that I had a calorie surplus the previous day.

Morning rite went well.

This image has popped up in my FB feed in ridiculous frequency and at interesting moments:


Noon rite went well. Got in a workout, plus lots of tea.

Social media is both good and bad for me right now. It contains…opinions. Lots of opinions. Some are helpful, some are not. In some instances I can be of help, and some I cannot. I’ve heard the advice to avoid ALL social media during the last few months, but my business requires it. And of course I hear I shouldn’t be doing business, but I’m starting a new job next week and need to be able to pay my mortgage.

There are no ideal circumstances. If I waited for such to do this rite, I would never do it. I have to trust in my gods that given common sense and me not being a doofus that the roads will be made open for me and things will work out. I have to try, even if it means sticking it out a little longer than 6 months.

Gods help me, I need to get my shit together.

Finished the fast at sunset with a nice, cleansing ritual shower, the evening rite, then food.

Abramelin, day 118

I am up at dawn like clockwork now, and I keep dreaming about my friend who had passed. Is she trying to contact me or am I losing it? Morning rite went well.

I went back to sleep, and had really strange dreams. There was one where some guy showed up at my door and gave me a white cell phone, looked like an iPhone. “In case I need to reach you,” he told me. Am I in the Matrix?

Noon rite went well.

I spent a good chunk of the evening worrying about whether or not this job is going to be an obstacle. I just can’t help but notice the timing besides; its start date right around phase three. Why is that?

Evening rite went well.

Abramelin, day 117

Morning rite went well. I found myself up just before dawn yet again. I guess this is a good thing, as it’ll enable me to be up and back into bed before I’m up for work next week. I dreamed about my friend again, this time we were out for a walk with a mutual friend or I was remembering it, I’m not sure which. I don’t know why I’m dreaming about her more all of a sudden.

Noon rite performed, did workout beforehand and talked with a new client.

I am still “settling in” and I feel that. I desperately wish I was not starting a new job next week, and did not need to start a new job next week. I really need to become self employed.

Evening rite went well.

Abramelin, day 116

Morning rite went well. I found myself awake at dawn and took advantage. As usual, one of my kitties heard my voice and came by to put her paw under my door. Sometimes she chirps while I’m doing the rite. I keep calling her my “temple kitty” and thanking her for keeping the evil spirits away. 🙂 Cats love mystical energy, but really…they just love the sound of mommy’s voice and want cuddles.

I went to sleep and had a very vivid dream of seeing some guy I didn’t recognize, dark hair and dressed in black, and right behind him was my friend who had passed. I remember wondering how in the world I was able to see her and the guy was also able to see her, and wondered if she would just pass through me, objects, etc. She was carefree, happy, and having a blast. I was glad to see it. At one point she literally bumped into me, and I called her name to get her attention.  I awoke before we could talk.

Noon rite went well, am rather high after. Phase three does feel like the spiritual equivalent of the INSANITY fitness program, just what I’ve been asking for, for I don’t know how long. I feel like I’m constantly doing ritual now, constantly in the temple room. It’s both invigorating and exhausting. I’m finding long walks are great for clearing my head. I have NO idea what I will do in a regular job. I very much wish I could remain unemployed until this operation is over, but I literally cannot afford it and while my side business has gained much ground it’s not yet enough to live off of. Dammit.

Reviewing all of my notes on phase three and continuing to stress. Gods, I hope I get my shit together, do this rite right, etc. I know I’ve come a very long way, but holy hell I have a long way to go.

Evening rite went well.

Abramelin, day 115

Morning rite went well. The mornings are always the toughest, as I am not a morning person.

Noon came VERY fast, rite went well, was pretty high after.

I have been drafted, more or less, into a group of fellow priest(esse)s of Apollo. On Sunday, no less. Somehow this doesn’t surprise me. I have decided today to do my fasting on my rest day for my workouts and have today be the ritual bath. I have learned that the alchemy for each can be a bit…interesting, and things are already coming on hard and fast as is. I also don’t like the idea of working out and only having liquids or whatever that day; my inner fitness coach positively screams at the idea. No, just no.

The past two days have been pretty intense; I appear to have regained something which I have lost, a mixed blessing and at a cost. I don’t know if this is a distraction, a lesson, or the consequences of being so open that so many roads are now made clear. I have no idea. I am wary, and cautiously optimistic.

Exercise, shower, purification bath, then evening rite, which went well. I have a LOT on my mind, including the job I am to start and everything that has come crashing down on me like a ton of bricks practically overnight. I fast either tomorrow or on my rest day on Friday. I will play it by ear.