Abramelin, day 93

Morning rite went well.

I am finding that it’s becoming easier to follow my instincts and my intuition, and how more more easily they lead me to things I otherwise wouldn’t find, people whom I wouldn’t have met otherwise, etc.

Two amazing workshops, and lots of tools given to help me to get me to where I’d like to be. Wonderful.

The working by not working and attracting continues to work. It just flows and continues to flow. Shit’s jelling together.

I leave tomorrow to head back home. I don’t know if I’ve gotten everything I wanted to get out of this trip, but I got everything I needed. While my thoughts sometimes stray to the few nagging issues which remain, everything’s coming together.

Evening rite went well.

Abramelin, day 92

Morning rite went well. At least I slept far better; my intuition was spot on.

Today was…strange. I’m here but I’m really well, not here. This place is jam packed and the venue is not large enough for 9,700 of us. We’ve outgrown Vegas, HOW. I’m finding myself navigating away from the crowds and not playing by the book, not as a means of escape but as a means to just breathe. In any event, I decided to spend the afternoon in a cabana, turned on the tv inside and there’s the movie Michael. About an angel.

There are no coincidences.

I am continuing to find, once again, I accomplish my best work by not working and attract by not trying to attract. It’s a Zen thing. I’m also wondering how much of our HGA’s connection with us is their way of being able to experience the physical world, but for them to reach us we have to try and meet them halfway. They give, we give.

I ran into a street vendor who made a blue rose bouquet from palm leaves and spray paint. It turned out that he went to school with someone who had the exact same name as me.

No coincidences.

Tomorrow morning will be brutal, very early morning workout. And so it goes. I will try not to sleep in, ha.

Everything will be as it needs to be, and all the signs are there.

Evening rite went well.

Abramelin, day 91

That whole not sleeping in a consecrated space; I think I didn’t take that seriously enough. In my past travels, where I did the Abramelin and set up the space contained the bed I was in. I heard a really strange voice talking, thought it was coming from my Kindle, woke up with a start and couldn’t tell how much of it was dream and how much of it was reality. I’m taking that seriously from now on. I’ve never had to worry about that before in my own bedroom especially; I do rituals in there and have numerous altars to my gods and while I’ve had some interesting dreams this one was uh…very different. The rest of my dreams were equally bizarre.

Morning rite went well.

Today was two phone interviews, a workout, and lots of walking and running around. I barely had a moment to breathe.

Ranting in my head about the Situation That Won’t Get Resolved, and walked into a room that was playing a very particular song.  It may be part of the answer to my questions. There are no coincidences.

I had the insight of moving the sacred space marked by the crystals and extending it into the bedroom before tonight’s ritual. Hopefully this will help with the wackiness I got last night. I swear that felt like a genuine haunting. WOW

Evening rite went well. I know I have much to work on, but I’ve had some valuable insights.

Abramelin, day 90

I am up today an hour and a half before sunrise, which won’t be until I am on the road. I have opted for the usual morning rite regardless.  It went well.

I have about four hours of sleep in me and have been up since 3am, nearly 24 hours at this point. The traveling went well. There was free wine on the second flight, which I turned down. I am still sad about that; I absolutely love wine. It’s the sacrifices you make during this thing, I suppose.

More interviews have been scheduled. I have a technical one tomorrow while I am here, and a face to face one scheduled on Monday.

I feel like I just got off of a boat; I stand still and things keep moving. It’s going to be an interesting trip. Idea will be to be mindful of the gods in everything I do, no matter what–I received that message very clearly, to keep the gods in mind with everything I do here. I will keep to that.

Things I am noticing in this state: my instincts remain spot on, but I am more prone to analysis paralysis.

I used my compass app on my cell phone to find east, and…ahahah…the window that my hotel room looks out is perfectly facing east. Nicely played, HGA. Nicely played.

Evening rite went well.

Abramelin, day 89

Morning rite went well. Another day of back to back crazy, including a scare with my unemployment, or rather it looking like I wouldn’t have any. Thankfully it was straightened out. Thank Hermes. Thank Papa Legba. Thank absolutely any divinity or daemon who had a hand in that, GODS. I also have a number of places very interested in me, and looking for second and final rounds of interviews for next week. I pray, I pray….

My parents will be in town house hunting while I’m in Vegas. They leave Fri, I return Sun. The kitties will get cuddles, at least. One less thing to worry about. 🙂

I suspect this will be a very interesting couple of days: Abramelin in Vegas with lots of fitness’ing. Whee. Wax on, wax off.

Evening rite went well.

 

Abramelin, day 88

Morning rite went okay. I woke up from a dream late this morning which..well, illustrated a lot for me. Gods, I have so far to go and one particular issue has plagued me. I honestly don’t know how to deal with it except table it for until after the Abramelin and I (mostly) have my shit together. I’ve come so far, but…yeah. The other dream was strange: I was protecting and defending my sister, who was VERY pregnant. Her stomach looked like it was going to burst. Side note:  I have no sister. Hm.

I did a tarot reading for someone yesterday. Well, it started out with that intent, then I found myself giving a reading minus the cards. I don’t think I’ve ever really done that before.

Today was VERY crazy, one thing after another until I walked to dinner and back, total ~10 miles. Tomorrow is my last day before my trip.

Evening rite went well. The purifications continue.

Abramelin, day 87

Morning rite went well. And even over the weekend, recruiters are emailing me to schedule time for interviews next week with companies. I love this whole “I relax, do nothing, and let the universe work its magic” shit. It beats the pants out of my busting my ass and stressing for little reward. 😀

Not sure when to work the juice fasting day in, as I am in Vegas from Wed until Sun, and given my level of activity fasting will NOT be a good idea. Maybe first thing on Monday when I get back?

Regardless, today is Holy Hell Purification Day, because I need it. Bedding washed, laundry done, then the ritual bath.

I’ve been rereading Marriage of Cadmus and Harmony, fantastic book.

Evening rite went well.

Abramelin, day 86

Morning rite went well. However, the meal I had last night that I saw as a rare indulgence is not sitting well in my stomach. I may be in bed all day wondering why oh why I do this to myself. The healthier I eat on a regular basis, the less I tolerate any amount of unhealthy food. Things learned the hard way.

And because I am completely unable to stop myself from arguing with others when I see them saying stupid shit on the Internet, I need to avoid most if not all of my interactions with social media. It’s something I know I’ve been needing to do for a long time, but as an extrovert, it’s HARD…especially since all of the work I did in stage one of this operation helped me to get over a ton of shit that was preventing me from socializing in general. But now that I’m doing massively better I need to start adulting, and if I can’t control myself in these spaces from being my usual opinionated self, then I need to take my opinions somewhere else for a while so I don’t get sucked into negative drama llama. Even as I find myself typing this paragraph, I’m engaging in conversation online. I think it’s surpassing “bad habit” territory here. I thought I had this under control and apparently I do not. Maybe the stress from the job hunt is getting to me?

If on the six month plan, I should be at the halfway point pretty soon. I feel like I have so, so much further to go. I keep wondering, am I doing this right? Is this shit even working? Arghh

Rite with my coven this evening, was a smaller group than usual but went well. Lots of insights and good conversation.

Evening rite went well, I think. I am, as usual, trying too hard at absolutely everything and need to chill.

Abramelin, day 85

Morning rite went well. I am trying not to whine but it’s hard.

Last night, I found a recent job posting online from a consulting company I used to work for in 2012, so I applied. Phone conversation taking place today at 10am. My fingers are crossed, as I enjoyed working with them before.

I know I need to do that relaxing and letting go thing. It’s hard when it comes down to basic shit like survival, paying the mortgage, etc. Maybe that whole “My HGA won’t let me starve and Hermes is usually ridiculously good to me in this arena” will hold true, and I will just…breathe. The problem is this: I keep having the door slammed in my face with the same line: “Too many ‘short term’ jobs”. Full time places are panicked I’ll bail, and contracting places look at me and think I’ll prefer a full time role. It’s to the point where I feel like I can’t win. At a place I have a proven track record with, maybe there is hope.

Next Wednesday I leave for a fitness coach conference in Vegas. The idea of my continuing to do the Abramelin under these circumstances is perhaps hilarious, but there is nothing more alchemical than getting up at 5am every day to do a 6:30am workout with trainers like Shaun T and Tony Horton. Also, the timing is lovely; it’ll force me away from the job hunting nonsense to focus on my overall health and well-being. I also have plans to meet up with fellow Hellenic polytheists for a Summer Solstice ritual in honor of Apollo–who just happen to live in Vegas. There are no coincidences in this world. I will do my usual ritual for when I am traveling; it worked out well in the past for both the charity walk and the visit to my parents’.

The friend of mine who had died in a fire at the start of this operation, her boyfriend finally posted to FB with the story of what led up to the fire and after. That was a painful, painful read. As expected, he is fully blaming himself and thinks he is damned. I felt compelled to write him, because I KNOW she would never want him to beat himself up like that.

Meanwhile, I decide to take the day off, and four recruiters contact me each with different positions which are exactly what I’m looking for. Maybe the message is “stop working and it’ll come.” Hm. Maybe I’m trying too hard. Hm. Now I’ve been emailed to help out with a major travel site for fitness blogging. Hm. Hm. Well. Funny how when I just relax and stop working and stressing over shit…hm.

There’s something to this, and that something is going with the Flow. I’ve also referred to it as “riding the Tao”, and it’s that sweet spot in between letting go and working your Will.

I wonder if so much of what I’m learning in my job search is “Wax on, wax off.”

Evening rite went well.

Abramelin, day 84

Morning rite went well. I spent today dealing with recruiters–lots of recruiters–and have applied for more places. Tomorrow I have decided to take the day off from job hunting and get some personal time in. I’m more than a little burned out, and I’m also quite frustrated.

I have a LOT of personal integration going, and I’m realizing that I need to clean up my own backyard before I start going off exploring, if that makes any sense.

So much energy going into physical realm and survival right now, so much stress…I am wiped, exhausted, and wondering if I am most certainly on the 18 month plan. I hope that regardless, I am on the right track. I feel like everything is screwed up. Ugh.

Evening rite went okay, I am falling asleep and had to drag myself in there. So tired. How do I get my shit together? What am I doing wrong?