What I am most thankful for is that the earlier sunrise gets, the more likely I can just go back to bed and go to sleep. I know that I will not be able to make every sunset and my best bet will be to be mindful of when it happens and offer up a silent prayer, and do the full rite before I head to bed that evening.
I’ve noticed that things tend to fly out of my mouth during the prayer and I have no idea where they come from. Certain formalities and phrases, some of them reminding me a bit of my Golden Dawn years. I also had two insights this morning, nothing I haven’t reflected on before but things which are becoming more into focus, so to speak.
One of them is the idea that quite frankly, I am a very stubborn soul with a lot of Fire. In short, I am very willful. But my best acts of magic have been when I do what I refer to as “riding the Tao”, the perfect balance between being active and passive. It’s essentially being “actively receptive”. It sounds like a contradiction but it’s very Zen. It’s a Willing to let go.
The other is having every act, thought, and emotion as I do this ritual be somehow geared towards the working itself. Nothing is a “distraction”. From going to work to my fitness regime, everything I do becomes dedicated to the rite.
The night before day 1, I had a dream that I was being recruited to join the military. All I could think to myself was, “Well…um…I like to be in shape….” I can’t relate to the idea of drills and extreme patriotism but hey, I like being in shape. Interesting that I never once thought of the possibility of going to war, killing or being killed. Weird.
I wonder if I’m the only Greek polytheist who has ever done or is doing the Abramelin. The few accounts I’ve read were people who were either very Christian or very Jewish, and I am decidedly neither. While I have found that my prayers have taken on a Neoplatonic vibe, they have been mostly directed at my patron deities: Apollo, Dionysos, and Hermes. And of course, Zeus.
My stomach continues to be super sensitive. I am wondering if it preferred doing the juice/cleansing thing but I can’t keep that up for six months. I am hoping this is temporary. Yesterday I had Indian food for dinner, it was very good but could not finish it. Afterward had chocolate brownie ice cream with hot fudge, Newman Os, and chocolate sprinkles for dessert from FoMu. One of the things that has amused me about the Abramelin is the need to abtain from animal flesh; being vegan already means no change of diet from me. But I am feeling the need to adjust my diet and eat more healthy. I think last night will be a rare thing for me in the future. If my stomach issues continue I may consider going mostly raw vegan. Lunch today was red quinoa/brown rice veggie sushi. My body didn’t like that. I tried other forms of food, no luck. Drinking kombucha and this tropical cleanser (pineapple, cucumber, turmeric, ginger, lime) helped immensely. Tomorrow I do the juicing and smoothie thing again and will attempt solid food again on Monday.
For the evening ritual I asked to be given more clear and direct signs on whether or not it is appropriate to change my diet during the operation and what to in lieu of being sick and in pain. What can I say, I’m direct and to the point.