Tag Archives: Abramelin phase three

by

Abramelin, day 186

Morning rite and noon prayer rite went well.

After various phone calls and scrambling, I’ve reached what may be the obvious conclusion: I really should not be looking for a job right now. In fact, I think the best approach for this entire screwball situation is to let this one end in the most amicable way possible, focus on whatever is the remainder of my time in the part time job after that, THEN do my finishing week of the Abramelin rite. It’ll save me stress, will give me time off, and will help me have more control over this time in between jobs thing. As is, I wouldn’t be able to finish off this rite until November anyhow due to the part time job, so it’s not like it’d get me any additional time.

I alternate between being drained and exhausted beyond belief in a fashion that reminds me of the time I had mono and being completely anxious/jittery/stressed. It’s not good. Fuck weekly purification baths; I’ll be taking nightly purification showers from now on, if nothing else to relax my neck and shoulders enough to stop having the tension headaches.

Also cuddling kitties helps.

Nearly went to bed without doing evening rite, got it done.

by

Abramelin, day 185

Morning rite and noon prayer rites went well.

Today I am battling all sorts of drama that’s causing anger flare-ups. I am wondering if this is a misdirection; that I am potentially irritated/angry/frustrated at something else and taking it out on lesser outlets because it’s easier, or if something is incredibly and painfully off with me right now. I did wake up exhausted, I have been quite drained lately. Most of it is probably hormonal (yay monthly) and some of it is probably just everything I’ve been going through in all aspects of my life right now. Interestingly I feel LESS stressed than I have been but it may be that I just pushed it off to my subconscious where it’s doing me no favors.

Looks like I’ll be working that part time job in Salem provided they’re okay with me only working until 7pm because of my kitty. I can’t wait until she no longer needs those shots. 🙁 I am looking at absolutely no days off for a while, second weekend of Nov to be precise. But I badly need the money, it’s something I’m awesome at, and enjoy. I had fun last year. However…maybe if I’m lucky my day job will let me go soon so I can collect unemployment and get some time off.

Took a purification bath. I know now why these things are necessary. I could write a whole essay on it and speaking as someone who is a devotee and priestess of a deity of purification I really ought to fucking do so.

Site went down tonight for long enough to remind me to back this shit up.

Evening rite went well.

by

Abramelin, day 184

Morning and noon rites both went well.

Spent today being incredibly exhausted, finally got enough energy to walk 5 miles to and from dinner, 10 in all. I will probably pass out tonight early.

The walk was good, however. Got to clear my head, something I badly needed. I’m too tired, too stressed, and have too much weighing on my mind. All I want to do is go on at least a month long retreat far, far, far, far away from everything. Just me and the kitties.

Painfully aware that I am now at the six month mark. I had a feeling things would be extended a bit and that has never bothered me, but I feel like the heat has been turned up several degrees.

I absolutely, positively, cannot live my life the way I’ve been living it. I can’t be here six months from now let alone a year from now or longer. I must change or die. I suppose when someone like me fears lack of change more than actually changing perhaps that says something.

Evening rite went well.

by

Abramelin, day 183

Morning and noon rite went well.

Day was spent doing errands and relaxing, night was spent doing kitty cuddle movie night. I found out that I can reduce my kitty’s insulin and I hope in time eliminate it entirely.

I’m exhausted. I’m still dealing with a ton of stuff and I’m realizing how much I’ve completely withdrawn from certain parts of my life. Simplifying in order to deal with what I can.

Evening rite went well.

by

Abramelin, day 182

Morning rite and noon prayer rite both went well.

Each day that passes at my job I get more and more confirmations that I am probably being set up for failure, not deliberately or maliciously but because the heads are batshit, neurotic, paranoid, and can’t communicate well worth a damn to technical staff. Another coworker admitted he thought my boss was nuts for putting my project deadline where it’s at, and I KNOW it’s coming from above him at least but it doesn’t excuse how batshit it is.

As for the personal, spiritual, psychic shit and all of the dreams and crap…in waayyyy over my head. Not sure what’s more overwhelming: what’s inside or what’s outside. I wonder if this tension is deliberate. At least my kitties are okay. Made appointment for the glucose tolerance test. Fingers crossed.

Evening rite went well, was high after.

Gods help me.

by

Abramelin, day 181

Morning rite and noon prayer rite went well.

Job situation holding steady so far, but will be glad to be done with this commute. I still anticipate more drama before it’s over unfortunately. It’s just the nature of these things.

My kitty’s blood work came back, and she’s doing far better than expected. Well enough to say that she will be in remission from diabetes and can go off of insulin soon. They want to do a glucose tolerance test to be sure. FANTASTIC news! Meanwhile she has energy I haven’t seen her have in years.

I have another massively intense personal situation on hold or at least as much of it on hold as I can get it. Shit’s accelerating/hitting the fan/descending into chaos in pretty much every area right now so I take any and all good news wherever I can get it. I have a grandmother with rapidly advancing Alzheimer’s and that’s also creating another situation of drama I’m staying as far away from as possible. I don’t think she’ll last another year unfortunately.

I need a break, a staycation, spa day, something.

Evening rite went well.

 

by

Abramelin, day 180

Morning rite and noon prayer rite went well.

Almond wand custom ordered along with a matching pendant of the same wood. Interestingly, it should arrive around end of Oct/beginning of Nov — around the same time my job is also due to end.

Interesting. Well, confirmation of end date received.

I have this feeling my job will end sooner than end of Oct. Or maybe that’s more like a hope at this rate.

Evening rite went well.

 

by

Abramelin, day 179

WOW. Another one of those incredibly powerful astral type dreams. No details but…holy shit.

Morning rite and noon prayer rite went well.

Very, very stressed. I don’t need just a purification bath at this point; I need an entire purification weekend. Or week.

Family in town helping out until Friday.

Gods I need a break. Everything is doing totally batshit in my life on all fronts. The only downtime I get is when I sleep or get to cuddle my cats.

I found a place online that may be able to make me a custom almond wand.

Evening rite went well.

by

Abramelin, day 178

Morning rite and noon prayer rite went well.

I am acutely aware of how much stress I have going on. Some of it I have channeled into humor vs ranting. It helped a lot. I hope to continue the trend.

I feel like most of what I do is work, sleep, eat, workout, and kitties. I feel like I’ve fallen behind in being able to focus on the things I needed to focus on in order to properly get myself in the mindset of this rite. I don’t know how much of this is by design, by accident, based on alchemy, or what.

Family in town again to help out. I hate needing to rely so much on others during this time but my life has really took a huge dump on me.

Evening rite went well.

by

Abramelin, day 177

Morning rite went well.

Things are starting to take on that surreal quality again. I don’t know my life anymore. Autumn is coming.

Not looking forward to interviews and bullshit but am looking forward to getting out of this job.

Lacking on sleep today. Not good.

Evening rite went well.