Abramelin, day 56

Morning rite went okay. Today I have an interview plus will be prepping for both a charity walk and the start of phase two. No rest for the wicked.

I plan to review the past journal entries on here and hope that I will not spend the day feeling like so much work I’ve done has become unraveled. One of my pet projects right now is to wake up and think “I must do my Abramelin rite” versus check either my work or personal laptops. It’s hard; I’m not awake and memory is not best in the morning. But I am far better served thinking “Abramelin” when I wake up versus “work” or “Facebook”.

There is so much in my past entries about social interaction and struggles with certain types of people, boundary issues, and trust. I had (and have) a LOT to heal from; I knew that coming in. And I’m not surprised that so much of phase one focused on dealing with that in addition to relearning old habits and burning away bullshit. The typical Abramelin from what I’ve heard from most focused on removing social interaction. With phase one, it seemed to be more about being discerning. I’ve already been running away from socializing for several months; having me go into isolation undoubtedly wouldn’t help that but encourage it. I also am noting that the themes of my experiences may be slightly different owing to one major difference: my religious background. So many accounts are Christian and Christian themed in focus. I suspect in having a Hellenic flavor, the lessons I learn and some of the attitudes may be a bit different.

In any event, I still don’t feel like I’m anywhere near where I should be given it’s been two months. I know things have amped up and I’ve seen the signs; I’m on my way but I’m not there yet. Still in all, I am frustrated. Should phase one be longer? Or is phase one more like learning that you will fuck up and it’s okay? Will I need more than six months? But I march on.

The interview went well, and the rest of the evening was fine too. I had some insights that may help me to continue to unravel my situation.

Evening rite went well. End of phase one.

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