Abramelin, day 43

Morning rite went well. I will say however that my dreams are a little too focused as of late on death and mortality and it needs to stop. It was like that before my friend died, but it’s starting to happen again. None of that crap will help me.

As I type this, I have been messaged with the knowledge that a second person in my life has died who has caused me a great amount of trouble in my past. I never wish nor would wish death upon anyone and I don’t feel that either individual’s crimes warranted death, but I am very much left not knowing what to think. It’s a bit of a shock. I think I’ll digest and post thoughts later. Both of them started out as my friend but then started sexually harassing me despite repeated efforts to brush them off. Each one, after I turned them down, got downright nasty towards me and said some pretty slanderous stuff behind my back. One of them in particular tried to slut-shame me on a well trafficked emailing list back in the day and was met with…well, extreme amusement by me. Nuff said,

Each was a very prominent member of their communities and were relatively well known. Not surprisingly they have hurt others as well; the most recent one in particular did a lot of ugly things to very good people. I am rarely a solitary target in these sorts of matters, which is why I do my best to speak up. Bullies and abusers are bullies and abusers.

I think my official reaction can be summed up as this: it’s sad that each individual was so screwed up in the head that they didn’t realize how badly they hurt others and sought to make amends before it was too late. I was not close to either individual in question but I feel for those who were, and were on good terms with them. Loss is loss, and you have my support and sympathies FWIW.

On a totally different note, fantastic quote on my friends list today:

“Heroes need monsters to establish their heroic credentials. You need something scary to overcome.” -Margaret Atwood

I’ve had a few scary things to overcome and still do. I’m actually hoping the Abramelin operation resolves a pretty big one in particular or at the very least gives me the appropriate tools with which to do so. There’s at least one or two I’d like to see at the business end of my wand at the end of this operation.

Evening rite went…okay, I guess. I’ve got a lot of processing to do, fucktons of purification and healing. I’ve only just begun.

2 thoughts on “Abramelin, day 43

  1. troll (couldn't help it) says:

    Choronzon, the shadow of the Angel,is a scary lil monster. He can be overcome but it doesn’t mean he won’t fuck with you off and on, right?

  2. Scarlet Magdalene says:

    Heh! I don’t think he’s causing all of these deaths, no. 🙂 Unless you were referring to something else?

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