Abramelin, day 138

Morning rite went well. I did not sleep very well, I woke up around dawn and didn’t get to go back to sleep.

The issue I raised in my previous entry has been resolved. I decided to go public and just be honest about what happened and why I chose to abandon the group. I need to start listening to my gut instinct about people and stop with the “benefit of the doubt” nonsense and questioning my feelings over and over again with the idea that I must somehow be wrong about people and that I’m condemning them with no proof. I don’t have to blacklist people I feel that way about but I really need to be more careful in the future. I try to hard to see the best in people and be openminded and sometimes it comes to bite me in the butt. I am truly an idealistic pessimist. I did not want to see this person as ugly as they are, but…there you have it.

No one can say I didn’t try.

Noon prayer rite went well, did my usual walk. I needed to get out and be alone for a bit, think about everything and whether or not I approached things the right way, and what to do for the next time. Honestly, my only takeaway from all of this is to trust myself more on my instincts about people. I try and fail to recall any time I’ve been wrong in that regard.

I’ve decided to stop stressing about the end date. If I’m ready by September, I am. If I’m not ready until Nov, Jan, March, whatever, I don’t care. It’s about the journey and I need to focus on that. If I’m meant to take a week off at some date I’m sure I’ll get some sort of notification or instinct to do so in advance so I can take it off from work.

I feel so much better now in so many respects. My conscience is clear on the drama issue and I feel a lot better about when this rite will be completed. I don’t want to feel rushed nor do I want to drag my heels. It’s about the process. I’ll be done baking when I’m done baking.

Evening rite went well. I am filled with immense gratitude at how different things are now versus before I started this rite in ways I can’t even begin to get into. I will be fine. Everything will be fine.

 

One thought on “Abramelin, day 138

  1. I follow you on Facebook and their you discussed your dilemma. I was impressed with your thought and conclusions. I avoid binding spells. Was once ensnared and it was a ugly mess to get released.
    (if it is important my Fb address is different than this address.)
    Enjoy your updates .
    Bill

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