And so I begin week three of the operation.
I woke up from some very intense dreams about Apollo and being in a world where I was literally Kyrene of the tales and legends. I was queen of some foreign land and wife of Apollo. It was a very strange dream and I got dragged into all sorts of crazy battles, politics, and what-have-you. There was also a part where I was instructed to give someone cookies that would have some strange supernatural effect on them. Then there was talk about having cookies in the cookies. There was also one point where I was in bed and there were candles lit, and I was paranoid about them falling over and causing fires, but they were all too small and just went out instead with no harm done. Too much Robert Calasso before bedtime and too high of a temperature, obviously, but seriously…that whole “knowledge and conversation” thing is sometimes a bit more than a mere euphemism. Towards the end of the dream I remembered who I really was, but it was like I was catapulted back into this reality but still dealing with the ramifications of that other world which started bleeding into this one.
Morning rite went well. I’m still waking up with a temp and spacey. It’s not high enough that I’m turning to drugs just yet and with any luck the antibiotics will kick in and I’ll be fine. It’s basically just high enough to give cognitive functions a serious crippling–it’s basically like being drunk or stoned minus the fun of each. Meanwhile my subconscious is being haunted by the spirits of dead friends and deities are traipsing through it as well. I mean, if there’s a deity of seances, astral travel, talking to dead people and what-have-you it’d very obviously be him. I had dreams where I was talking with my friend but I can’t remember much of anything that was said.
I think back to when I started wondering if Hermes was a patron of mine, and I laaaaauuuuuugghhhhhhhhhh
Also, I think I see why this magical working has the potential to drive you nuts. I don’t have a clue as to why an incredibly simple rite has the capacity to open up massive flood gates of psychic and spiritual shit, but there you have it.
I’ve been going back into my old LJ and started reading hers. Interestingly, a few months ago back on Oct this is part of what she wrote:
Death of loved ones is not something that anyone finds easy to cope with. Having outlived 12 of the people I cared about, many of whom were the same age as, or even younger than me, makes it worse. It seems like it’s a message from the Universe warning me “Don’t get too close to anyone, for sooner or later they will be taken away.” Conversely, you start to worry about your own mortality, and how it might affect others – “don’t let them get too close to you, for when you go, they’ll be hurt in the same way you’ve been affected by the death of those you loved”.
It’s terrifying how close to being prophetic that entry of hers was/is, and I’m sure she had no idea her time would come so soon. I also don’t think it’s coincidence that I stumbled across it.
I don’t know how many times it has to be hit over my head to take absolutely no moment nor person for granted, to not count on there being a tomorrow, or to assume due to my supposed youth that everyone will always be around and I have all the time in the world. I do not. I burned my candles at all ends trying to meet so many goals and while those goals still remain dear to me I wonder if I was going about them in the wrong way.
Evening rite done. I think it went okay. I have a lot weighing on my mind, a lot of strange ideas in my head bordering on conspiracy theory, and I am wondering about many things. Going to get more reading done before bedtime. In the meantime, I’m taking the time out to cuddle with kitties and reconnect with some old acquaintances online.