Abramelin, day 16

Morning rite went well. As some did this week, this too got lengthy. Way too many ranting and thinking about many things: how isolated I’ve been, the regrets I  have at being so, and wanting to leave my current career for something more useful.

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

I should not be surprised that my time in the Abramelin so far is not putting me into social isolation. I already have been in social isolation; it seems that part of phase 1 is healing shit, burning away the crap, the purifying the rest.

It seems my HGA was comfortable with my being at what turned into an Irish wake of sorts; I didn’t consume a ton of wine but I consecrated the entire bottle in advance. The whole experience from the socializing with others to the toast to my departed friend at midnight was what I needed. I also had the sense that the alcohol thing may be okay in certain circumstances for phase one such as this but may run into issues come phase two and should be completely rethought in phase three.

Evening rite performed insanely late but went okay. Prayers getting longer and longer. Even more determined than ever to see this through to the finish. I want none of this to have been in vain.

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