Monthly Archives: September 2014

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Abramelin, day 173

Morning rite and noon prayer rite both went well.

Still dealing with lots of stress and taking one day at a time. Kitties are doing fine at least.

The problem with having so much to deal with is that it’s very…scattering. Maintaining focus is hard. I see now why the Abramelin wants you as far away from the usual day to day nonsense as possible. Because of this rite, you have a LOT of internal stuff to process and changes to integrate. It is subtle and it doesn’t happen all at once, but you still need to take the time to do it. Running around to work, to run errands, to do this, to do that…you lack that time, and the stress just increases at a result.

I am now more certain than ever that the close of this rite will be when this job is over.

“Send Me An Angel” still stuck in my head.

Evening rite went well.

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Abramelin, day 172

Morning rite went well, as did noon prayer rite. Walk after.

I don’t recall my dreams last night; I went to sleep VERY early and slept through almost the entire night straight.

They want me done with my current project at work by mid-Oct, originally slated as being “a bit too aggressive”. Now suddenly it isn’t. I don’t feel good about this change, and I’m wondering if I’ll be out of a job come November.

My cats continue to be okay, and the dear lil diabetic one is handling her shots VERY well. The oral meds, not so much. I adjusted my work schedule to compensate so I’ll have more than enough time in the morning to work out, take care of her, and get my shit together.

I’ve been losing weight and not on purpose. I swear I’m eating but I’m just too stressed to eat at normal levels. I’m hoping with the increased workouts in the morning it’ll increase my appetite and this won’t be a problem.

I’m fried. Totally fried.

Evening rite went well.

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Abramelin, day 171

Woke up in the middle of the night from an intense dream–at least I think it was a dream–where I had astrally projected into my living room downstairs. It was VERY vivid, and I knew immediately that I was “awake” and on the astral. Initially I panicked but then I saw this super tall, white glowing figure in the center of my living room. He radiated calm and everything around me glowed with a sense of joy. I didn’t feel joy but I saw joy. Very hard to describe. Everything was light, and everything was good.

I didn’t get much sleep after that as it took me forever to get back to sleep. My mind was just racing.

Morning rite went well, as did noon prayer rite.

I keep thinking about the astral projection/dream. Real Life’s “Send Me An Angel” keeps playing in my head. I’m running on very little sleep and had just enough energy to get work done, get home, and cuddle with kitties.

Evening rite went well.

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Abramelin, day 170

Both morning and noon rites went well.

When I take stock of my current situation, I’m painfully aware of why my stress levels are where they’re at:

  1. My grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
  2. One of my kitties almost died on me and now needs twice a day insulin shots for her diabetes.
  3. Work drama may cost me my job down the road.
  4. A major storm did enough damage to my car last night that it will need to go into the shop. I’m just lucky that it fell in such a  way that my car didn’t get totaled.

And this isn’t even remotely touching the rite and everything connected to it.

I need to become self employed, gods help me. But most importantly, I need to accomplish what I set out to do and why I decided to do this rite to begin with. And I need to not confuse related matters with it and get shit tangled up in such a way that it becomes that much more intense.

More than a little overwhelmed right now.

Evening rite went well.

 

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Abramelin, day 169

Morning rite went well.

My father left today, leaving me alone with the kitties. I got to relax, which is a rare thing at this point in time. I wish it would be less rare.

Noon rite went well, but towards the start I had a vision of Apollo looking at me with an expression of amusement and “Ahem?”. I get nervous now when I have visions of deities during this rite complete with facial expressions. I am officially nervous. If nervous had a color I’d be wearing it.

I am wondering if this rite will be over once my current job contract is. That would make a lot of sense.

Evening rite went well.

 

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Abramelin, day 168

Morning rite went well.

I continue to deal with the work, kitty, and family dramas.

Noon prayer rite went well, walk after.

I can’t begin to say how much I’m glad it’s the weekend. Holding on, one day at a time.

I am badly in need of resolution on many fronts.

Evening rite went well.

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Abramelin, day 167

Morning rite went well.

Kitties are doing well. Giving meds orally to a full grown cat, however, is never fun. And it’s twice a day.

Job nonsense continues. I need to grin and bear it, and move on when my contract ends.

Noon prayer rite went well, walk afterwards.

I have a lot of personal shit that I’m processing, and frankly much of it just needs to just be shelved either temporarily or permanently. And it’s a long time in coming.

I need to focus on the big picture.

Evening rite went well.

 

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Abramelin, day 166

Morning rite went well.

Lots of anxiety about my job, about completing this rite, everything really.

My kitty’s checkup went well however. She’s going to be fine.

Noon prayer rite went well, walk after.

I don’t know where I’m going from here but I feel very tightly pulled in multiple directions. Am I going to make it? Is this having any effect at all?

Evening rite went well.

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Abramelin, day 165

Morning rite went well.

Did NOT sleep very well last night. Very glad for my dad in town; he’s going to help me with the kitty thing. She needs a checkup tomorrow and I’ll be at work, and given the work drama I can’t afford to miss any more time.

Noon prayer rite went well, walk after.

My stress levels are declining, thankfully. I keep praying for a break. I do not think this job will go past 6 months. I just hope to make it that long. My dad has heard the full tale and agrees with me. Too many red flags.

Lots of cuddle time with cats. They’ve earned it. So have I.

Evening rite went well.

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Abramelin, day 164

Dreamed of Dionysos last night. Apparently it’s Greek gods central in my brain. Again, VERY vivid dreams.

Morning rite went well. My other cat is still giving the other one trouble. Ugh. Spent lots of time this morning huggling the two of them. Sisters, meh. My dad has offered to come up and help out with the kitties for the next week or so and I may take him up on it. I’m overwhelmed by everything.

Noon rite went well. I feel closer to the finish than the start for the Abramelin, that’s for sure. It’s just a matter of when I’m done “cooking”.

Day spent doing work from home, kitties, out for dinner, more kitties, more work…I need downtime.

Evening rite went well.