Abramelin, day 73

Morning rite went well, albeit a bit shorter than I would’ve liked. I slept through the night for the most part so I missed the sunrise that gave me extra time.

My parents left today, so I get to decompress and deal with the new normal of the unemployment situation, etc. Even if I were to get an offer on the job I interviewed for on Friday, I would still have two weeks where I would not be working. This would help me get into gear.

Today I have gone back and forth from feeling terribly isolated and alone to “And that’s why I sometimes prefer it that way”. Horrible lesson in boundaries today, affecting multiple people. I am too nice, too eager to help people, had a feeling I was being used inappropriately and should’ve responded better to that instinct sooner versus giving the benefit of the doubt. I live and I learn.

I’ve had all sorts of people ask me for readings, especially since I give out free quick ones for a weekly observance for Apollo. Unfortunately this has made all sorts of people think that I will constantly give out free readings to people, night and day. This is why I stopped doing free readings on line a long time ago and is reminding me now of that. I had to post the following to my FB wall:

The post I’ve been wanting to make, badly needed to make, and is long overdue:

I am not your free life coach. I am not your free tarot reader/spiritual counselor. I cannot make hours of my time available for people who clearly do not value it, my expertise, and my knowledge. I am done with having my good graces and desire to help others being taken advantage of. It denotes a lack of respect for me, the gods whom I serve, and my time and energy.

And now that I am unemployed, I especially do not have the time for it.

I don’t feel the slightest bit of guilt whatsoever. I love helping people who genuinely need it and don’t mind it at all. But right now I am being used right, left, and center and it HAS to stop.

Right after I posted this, a few people simultaneously IMed me with creepy shit. One of them wasn’t even on my friends list. So much for disliking the feeling of being isolated and alone; now I want to avoid the Internet as much as possible.

I have gained some good insights, however. For what I want to do with myself, I NEED to be able to get better at boundaries and not let myself be used to the point where my abilities may be used for less than good motives. I may need to screen people before I help them, do divinations, and just lay the fuck low in general. If I get deceived by the wrong person I am extremely S.O.L.

But gods. The sort of people I attract, and it’s gotten several times worse since I started the Abramelin. The time for me to withdraw from the Internet has definitely come, and everything I’ve learned today is forcing my hand on this one.

Evening rite and meditations went well.

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