Abramelin, day 25

Morning rite went well. I think. Painfully aware of how much bullshit I need to purge.

Finished the Holy Guardian Angel book today. I plan to digest, read some more personal development books, then give it a re-read.

I am realizing that I don’t have a lot of quiet time. I go to work, I workout, I watch tv while I workout, I go online, etc. I need to cut back on the amount of time I spend online and use it for reading, meditating, etc. I think I’m entirely too used to distracting myself from all of the stress I typically have on a regular basis.

My mortgage refi closing has been delayed, tentatively scheduled for my birthday. Ha. Taxes are filed. Job is still…well.  I am finding myself less and less motivated due to the amount of stress they put on me and the lack of any positive feedback when I bust my ass to get everything done. I am also painfully aware of the fact that the team I am on is a leaky boat and I’ve been given a thimble to help get the water out. I am thankfully poised and prepared financially should I get laid off for any reason so no stress there–I’ve prepared for that well in the past month or so.

I am trying to focus on one day at a time, but there are days when I feel like I’m flailing. Today is one of them. I need to manage my time better or I will not be able to keep up with the changes as they occur. I am doing my best to remind myself that everything, absolutely everything, is a part of this rite. I will not have any false separations.

I had a dream a few nights ago that I accidentally brought my Hellenic pagan name into a work related chatroom and it was…awkward. I really need to become self employed.

Evening rite went okay, but I just feel inadequate to do much tonight. I don’t know if I’m being too hard on myself or I’m just recognizing that shit needs to change and I cannot fall back into old patterns.

Leave a Reply