Abramelin, day 11

Abraham wasn’t kidding about the whole cleansing and purifying of the bedroom thing. Not kidding, not messing around, please don’t disregard this and if you do, you do so at your own peril. I had recurring nightmares all night, no desire to go into details but they only ended once the person in them tried to hit me on top of everything else, and I wound up going all lizard brain and trying to beat the shit out of him. Cleanse and purify, cleanse and purify. It’s gonna be my mantra. I am forced to work from home today because my body temp is going through the roof and as a result the not feeling well symptoms come along with it, so that gives me the opportunity to do this. I didn’t get it done yesterday when I should have. Again, will not be repeating this mistake.

Morning rite went okay. I am painfully aware of the fact that I asked to burn away obstacles and I guess my body is now an obstacle, or something. Spent a good chunk of the rite talking about either wanting to pummel someone or begging for forgiveness because this shit isn’t something to be dwelling upon. It will not help me. I’m getting myself back open again, cleaning crap out, and stuff is floating to the surface. When you shut down on everything, you’re delaying the inevitable and this is what happens to you. I now need to learn how to deal with this without shutting back down like I did before. Fun times! It’s part of the growing experience.

Cleanse and purify.

On a more humorous note, in one of the dreams, there were a few other women with me. One was a friend of mine named Heather, one was Rose Tyler, I was expecting Willow Rosenberg to show up so we could fully have the Plant Name Brigade. I mean really.

I’ve been noticing an influx of new/old people into my life as of late. It’s interesting and I can’t call it coincidence. I wonder what it is about the working that’s drawing them in/back. There seems to be a three part part to this process: burn away the bullshit, heal the rest, draw good shit in. I’m okay with this.

Laundry done. Hopefully this will make a difference. Last night was so…fucked up, I don’t even know where to begin. Holy hell.

Evening rite done, and went well. Need to think some more about that whole purge/heal/purify thing.


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