Abramelin, day 64

Morning rite went okay. I’m back to whining at this point because two pressing issues that have been issues for the past few years are STILL issues and no matter what I do, neither will budge. I don’t know if it’s timing, trying too hard, or what. But they are massive sources of stress which need to end.

Some insights I’ve had on both problems: each one was an issue which escalated into a larger issue when I did not assert my boundaries, acknowledge my feelings, and treat what I was feeling or thinking as valid–worse yet, allowed myself to feel guilty for having them by myself and others.

Today I had a phone interview. It went well, but the moment I heard the words uttered, “We get together on weekends to solve coding problems” I felt the distinct urge to run away in terror. I like my career but nowhere near that much, I’m sorry. Actually, that’s a lie…I’m not sorry. Not in the least bit. I KNOW of programmers who are that passionate about their jobs and what they do, but I’m just not one of them. Those who are…gods bless ya.

I will be working from home for the foreseeable future, at least all next week due to a) parents being in town and b) interviews. Not much of a choice there.

Spent day online dealing with recruiters, working out, and on FB trying to decompress.

Evening rite went okay. I feel very…unfocused, aimless, and generally clueless. And also overwhelmed.


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