Initiation, Mystery Schools, the True Self, and the False Persona

After many years of belonging to several groups, at some point I slowly began to pair down my involvement in a number of groups I belong to and have belonged to in the past. It’s pretty clear that really there’s only one esoteric initiatory organization and one local spiritual group that I wish to focus my attention on, and everything else is additional stress, aggravation, responsibilities, and drama that I really don’t need.

I hate to phrase things like that, but it’s true. I can’t comprehend why people collect orders and certificates like some people collect baseball cards. I joined to genuinely learn about new things and traditions and therefore grow as a person, and find that joining orders just to get extra titles on your esoteric resume to be not only an utter waste of time–but positively sacrilegious and disingenuous to the organizations you joined by ignoring their teachings and discarding them in favor solely of titles in order to get your ego stroked.If I wanted my ego stroked, I would’ve stayed a dogmatic Greek reconstructionist and on top of the damned Ionic column where people wanted me to be.

Or better yet, start that Greek mystery school which I am still utterly and completely unqualified to begin as both initiator of others and the current itself. I suppose I could’ve done what one person initially attempted to do, which was to lift the Golden Dawn wholesale and “Greekify” gestures which have their origins in Freemasonry and without comprehending their original context have no meaning, an atrocity which would’ve been akin to doing “plug and play” of deities into some other religion and culture’s ritual. But I have both my pride and my good taste, and have refrained from making such poor judgments–with or without the Z documents and Cipher manuscripts.

It doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t like to see such Hellenic mystery schools begin; it’s just that I think that it takes a heck of a lot more than a single person to start up such an endeavor. I’m also not entirely certain that’s really what I’m meant to do with my life at this point. If you disagree, take it up with Hekate and Hermes since they basically own my ass these days in addition to my other patron deities. I gotta be in charge of Who I Am and not What People Want Me To Be.

And speaking of which…. In conversations with two separate people on the same day I initially composed this blog post–two people who are completely and utterly different from each other in most respects and I think have yet to even meet or talk to each other, mind you–the same topic came up: each of them had taken on a false persona which they had aspired to their whole lives but later realized that it was not only what they weren’t looking for, but in fact the persona was holding them back from being their deepest and truest self. Once they let go off that shiny mask, they went through utter hell only to determine that it was a blessing. They needed to be their truest self in order to be deeply and genuinely happy, and to spiritually, mentally, emotionally–and even physically–progress as people. I am watching one of them continue that struggle. I think we all do at some point, and sometimes more often than not. I think that may just be part of life.

I can honestly say that without a doubt, I did the exact same thing. I am not proud of the amount of hiding I did from myself and from others on who I really am. But I am neither a special snowflake nor a perfected individual. So before people go “OMGS! You’re kicking people in the head!” please note that I spend WAY more time kicking myself in the head to try and kick someone else in the head. With one leg already poised and in action, I would fall flat on my ass. If your own head has been kicked upon reading any of my posts, kindly examine the foot that hit you and make sure first that it is not already attached to your ankle. After all, it is hardly my fault that you have failed to comprehend Ti Kwan Leep.

Sometimes however, we ALL need to give ourselves a good kick in the head. The point of alchemy is to realize who you really, truly are underneath all of that crap and bullshit by discarding it and everything else that is holding you back (the Black Work) and then exalt your best qualities and gain new good qualities (the White Work) so that you can unify with your Divine Genius and HGA (the Red Work).

Some head-kicking will happen as a result of spiritual alchemy. That’s GOOD. It means that you realize that you’ve done wrong and can do better–think of it as empowering yourself to recognize what you can achieve versus what you are achieving, and know that it’s Ok To Fuck Up As Long As You Realize That You Did, Learn, and Make Up For It. At the same time however, don’t spend so much time kicking yourself in the head that you’re not able to put your feet forward.

If you need some guidance on putting those feet forward, you know where to find me.

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