I completed the final week successfully. Much of my notes, details, and what-not have been logged in my diary offline. A good chunk is too personal to share, some of it I’m uncertain, and the rest I’m still hashing out.
I’m still integrating and figuring everything out. This was a very, very changing experience and I can only understate its impact. Ending it and going into the holidays, being thrust back out into the world was pretty jarring, and being back at the “rest of my life” is both confusing and frustrating. Thankfully the holidays will help me to wind down a bit and figure everything out.
I do plan to put all of this plus some essays into a book. So in the meantime…keep posted.
Morning rite and noon prayer rite went well, but today was a personal struggle. My job continues to go VERY well and I remain blessed in this regard. I’m working with really great people and I thank my gods daily for being here.
I’ve been doing something past few days which I rarely do, which is eat calories at maintenance level. I’ve been in fat burning mode, but that’s no good before I start a week of fasting. Had some chocolate this evening, painfully aware it will be my last treat for a while. But it’ll be worth it.
I’m beyond nervous and anxious. I hope not to fuck this up.
I’ve moved all of the robes, ritual gear, and tools which I need for the last seven days into the temple room.
Nonstop meetings pretty much all day, managed to slip out to get myself some coffee. Nothing like doing the noon prayer rite over making myself a cup of coffee. There’s something to that but I haven’t quite managed to put my finger on it just yet. Again, no excuses.
Painfully aware of the fact that one very major, glaring personal issue remains before I start my final week. I am desperately hoping I will be able to get it resolved after the Abramelin. Everything else has been resolved or is in the process of being resolved, not sure why this is so damned special. Ah well. Resolving to just banish the rest of the bullshit with laughter, but for some things it’s just a band-aid.
Here’s to hoping I am successful. Just one day left until I start the final week.
I’ve read the book over and over again for the last seven days, and it’s not very clear on whether or not you are fasting all seven days and breaking the fast after sundown with little other than bread. Talking with others who have done the rite who did the same for all seven days. This is not the weight loss plan I signed up for but hey, it’s not like I’ll be doing much other than conjuring angels and demons and such. I wonder how many calories that will burn? Funny how I’m worried about the fasting but it was the one part of this entire operation I struggled with the most and never really managed to get the hang of.
I am hoping I have everything all set. I am hoping I am ready. I am hoping I will be properly prepared. Good gods, I’m freaking.
Been going over my notes for the last seven days and in the meantime trying to rest up. For some reason I have zero energy today. I did an interview with RO, which was fun. I also got to gather my materials together that I will be using for the last week.
I’m not sure how else to prepare. I think I’m as ready as I’m going to be. I have no idea what to expect and I suppose I should expect that.
All sorts of HGA related dreams last night. He came in one of the forms he showed up in my dreams years and years ago. So strange.
Morning rite and noon prayer rite went well.
Busy day at work today, but very aware that I am working with some really cool people. Incredibly grateful beyond words to have this job. How did I get it again? So much gratitude.
Decided to email the wand maker and get a status, got an email back saying they would look up a tracking number for me. Did some math and looking at the calendar, figured worst case scenario is I start on the 27th.
On my way walking home from the train heard a voice in my head asking if I was ready. Came home to a box on my doorstep, containing…yes. I will be starting on the 17th for sure, and will be in radio silence until done. I am nervous, excited, fucking terrified…gods.
Morning rite went well. Missed noon prayer rite due to one meeting after another from 11:30 until I left work. Wow. It may be the first one I’ve missed since I started the Abramelin. Gods.
Paranoid as hell about that almond wand, still no word and it’s been over a week. So do I go ahead and start the final week next Wednesday and gamble that it’ll reach me in time for the conjuration? What the hell do I do? I’m a bit panicked. Taking off two weeks as a new employee is beyond problematic; if I can’t finish in conjunction with Christmas vacation/break I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do.
Trying to focus on what I need to focus on but so much going on. Readily admitting to focusing on shit that shouldn’t matter, probably because the stuff that does is too stressful to think about right now.
Some personal struggles still. I despair at certain shit remaining unresolved until after the Abramelin, but we can’t all be perfect.
I think I figured out the problem with my stomach. I had suspected it to be the case but wasn’t completely certain. I changed the balance of my diet from 50-25-25 (% calories from carbs, fats, and proteins) to 40-30-30 and my body didn’t like the sharp increase of protein. At all. I’m going to switch back to 50-25-25 and see if that resolves things. I may also have to talk to some people and find out if I need special enzymes in my diet or something. Ridiculous.
Started my CPT exam prep class today and moved to the new office space at work. I now share an office and have a desk next to the window with a beautiful view of downtown Boston. Life is good. I will say however that this is the strangest job I’ve ever had, and the absolute worst case of disorganization in the history of ever. I don’t dislike it but wow, it is complete chaos. But I’m receiving good benefits and paychecks so…so be it.
Still no word on the wand. I have NO idea now if it’ll even be possible to finagle the time off of work without promising to be able to work from home. I suspect my final week, like much of the operation, will come with some compromises. No excuses, as they say.