Abramelin, day 86

Morning rite went well. However, the meal I had last night that I saw as a rare indulgence is not sitting well in my stomach. I may be in bed all day wondering why oh why I do this to myself. The healthier I eat on a regular basis, the less I tolerate any amount of unhealthy food. Things learned the hard way.

And because I am completely unable to stop myself from arguing with others when I see them saying stupid shit on the Internet, I need to avoid most if not all of my interactions with social media. It’s something I know I’ve been needing to do for a long time, but as an extrovert, it’s HARD…especially since all of the work I did in stage one of this operation helped me to get over a ton of shit that was preventing me from socializing in general. But now that I’m doing massively better I need to start adulting, and if I can’t control myself in these spaces from being my usual opinionated self, then I need to take my opinions somewhere else for a while so I don’t get sucked into negative drama llama. Even as I find myself typing this paragraph, I’m engaging in conversation online. I think it’s surpassing “bad habit” territory here. I thought I had this under control and apparently I do not. Maybe the stress from the job hunt is getting to me?

If on the six month plan, I should be at the halfway point pretty soon. I feel like I have so, so much further to go. I keep wondering, am I doing this right? Is this shit even working? Arghh

Rite with my coven this evening, was a smaller group than usual but went well. Lots of insights and good conversation.

Evening rite went well, I think. I am, as usual, trying too hard at absolutely everything and need to chill.

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