Abramelin, day 129

I woke up at dawn on the dot, so I managed to get enough water in me to think straight in order to do the morning rite. Went well.

I had a very strange, very vivid dream afterward which was entirely on the astral, knew I was dreaming, etc. Some of those purification issues have come up again. Interesting.

Noon rite went well, but was delayed by quite a bit due to a two hour call with my mom. The amount of family drama that has been going on has been escalating to daytime tv drama levels. I am now physically and mentally in pain; I need a hot bath and a glass of wine, but Abramelin. I could do just the hot bath maybe with some kombucha from Whole Foods? Tea? Yes, tea.

My mom reminded me of someone whom I was very good friends with in high school and lost touch with them sometime while I was in college. Found him on LinkedIn, and he’s local to me. Small, weird world I live in.

And today I get an invite to be one of the admins of a page called Pythia, do oracles on behalf of Apollo. This is the second Apollo priestess related thing I’ve been invited to join in the past few weeks that can transform into a Big Deal. Apollo is the god I’ve gone on a divinatory/psychic path for; I’ve always had gifts in that respect and after he came into my life, that path became very much associated with him. Moments after I invite several people to like the page, I got a comment from someone that both touched and overwhelmed me. It may have been the best compliment I’ve received in a very long time.

I also finally got the laundry done.

Evening rite went well.

Abramelin, day 128

Morning rite went well. I slept for almost 8 hours straight and woke up still tired.

I almost missed noon rite, and did it later than expected but at least did it in my temple room. Spent a good chunk of the day in the car listening to spiritual dev on audiobook.

Today was fasting and purification bath. Was entirely too happy to end the fast at sunset.

Gaining more insights into the whole spiritual into the material world and the interconnectedness of things, why I must stay in the world for manifestation. It’s a matter of receiving, not projecting. I try too hard.

Evening rite went well.

Abramelin, day 126

Morning rite went well, was up at dawn yet again. I am not getting enough sleep by far, and it needs to stop before my immune system goes to shit. My body has a way of shutting itself down when it’s being put through too much.

Noon prayer rite went well. Afterward I went outside for a walk and dealt with my purification needs/troubles. Some reminders of why I am doing this rite were nice–not that I needed them, but it emphasizes and highlights certain things.

I get that I need to be well rounded and be in the world, “wax on wax off”, and learning to crawl before I can fly. I’ve been through a lot, gained a lot, throughout this experience. But I am painfully aware that I have a LONG way to go and I can’t see myself obtaining K&C in two months’ time. I’m sure a lot can happen in 2 months, but I am at this stage both skeptical and pessimistic.

Evening rite went…okay, but there was a fair amount of ranting. I am frustrated. I am not ungrateful to be where I’m at, but I am painfully aware of how much further I have to go, and it’s quite a long way.


Abramelin, day 125

Morning rite went well, but I struggled to get in there. I’m having a VERY hard time waking up and staying awake this week. I’m guessing it’s the new schedule and my body finally saying “no more” to the interrupted sleep and the not enough sleep.

Noon prayer rite went fine.

Job stuff seems to be going well. I work with very nice people so far. The test will be, of course, time.

Still need a fuckton of purification and cleansing. Holy hell.

Evening rite went well.

Abramelin, day 124

Morning rite went well, but the interrupted sleep is not doing me any favors.  I am going to have to get to bed much, much earlier to combat this.

Noontime prayer rite went fine, went for walk outside after.

I am badly in need of increased purification; for whatever reason I am back on radar again. I must be making significant progress. I just love pissing off all the right people/forces! Mini purification cleansing in the shower, but it’s not enough.

New job continues to be sane. I hope this trend continues.

Evening rite went well. Gods help me.

Abramelin, day 101

Morning rite went well. It must be added, however, that the purification thing? Not kidding around. No leeway. I started doing laundry so fast this morning I was freaking out my cats. I still don’t know if what I saw was a hallucination upon awakening or some really huge ass bug was on my blanket, but gods. Purification is a serious thing.

I wanted to go for a fasting day too, but I wound up in a place where someone (very Italian) went out of their absolute way to make me vegan food and I utterly cannot violate hospitality rules (Greeks and Italians have much in common). So I will do it on another day, but today regardless was laundry to wash bedding, ritual bath, and regular rite to Apollo.

As I was reading last night before I fell asleep, it hit me: this entire rite has been reprogramming my subconscious in a very deliberate and intentional fashion. This is a definite. I am not the same person with the same reactions that I had to events and things 101 days ago, and quite frankly this is a blessing I can’t even begin to get into in my online journal entries here, nor would I want to. Suffice to say I had a lot of healing work to undergo and what has taken place for me is nothing short of a miracle.

However…I still have a LONG way to go in a lot of respects and in many ways I can’t honestly see how I’d possibly be done by the 6 month mark, but I don’t know if I can see me taking as long as 18 months either.

Evening rite went okay, but feeling pretty overwhelmed right now.


Abramelin, day 85

Morning rite went well. I am trying not to whine but it’s hard.

Last night, I found a recent job posting online from a consulting company I used to work for in 2012, so I applied. Phone conversation taking place today at 10am. My fingers are crossed, as I enjoyed working with them before.

I know I need to do that relaxing and letting go thing. It’s hard when it comes down to basic shit like survival, paying the mortgage, etc. Maybe that whole “My HGA won’t let me starve and Hermes is usually ridiculously good to me in this arena” will hold true, and I will just…breathe. The problem is this: I keep having the door slammed in my face with the same line: “Too many ‘short term’ jobs”. Full time places are panicked I’ll bail, and contracting places look at me and think I’ll prefer a full time role. It’s to the point where I feel like I can’t win. At a place I have a proven track record with, maybe there is hope.

Next Wednesday I leave for a fitness coach conference in Vegas. The idea of my continuing to do the Abramelin under these circumstances is perhaps hilarious, but there is nothing more alchemical than getting up at 5am every day to do a 6:30am workout with trainers like Shaun T and Tony Horton. Also, the timing is lovely; it’ll force me away from the job hunting nonsense to focus on my overall health and well-being. I also have plans to meet up with fellow Hellenic polytheists for a Summer Solstice ritual in honor of Apollo–who just happen to live in Vegas. There are no coincidences in this world. I will do my usual ritual for when I am traveling; it worked out well in the past for both the charity walk and the visit to my parents’.

The friend of mine who had died in a fire at the start of this operation, her boyfriend finally posted to FB with the story of what led up to the fire and after. That was a painful, painful read. As expected, he is fully blaming himself and thinks he is damned. I felt compelled to write him, because I KNOW she would never want him to beat himself up like that.

Meanwhile, I decide to take the day off, and four recruiters contact me each with different positions which are exactly what I’m looking for. Maybe the message is “stop working and it’ll come.” Hm. Maybe I’m trying too hard. Hm. Now I’ve been emailed to help out with a major travel site for fitness blogging. Hm. Hm. Well. Funny how when I just relax and stop working and stressing over shit…hm.

There’s something to this, and that something is going with the Flow. I’ve also referred to it as “riding the Tao”, and it’s that sweet spot in between letting go and working your Will.

I wonder if so much of what I’m learning in my job search is “Wax on, wax off.”

Evening rite went well.

Abramelin, day 80

Yesterday was incense day and today will be cleansing bath day. I need to add more cleansing and purification rites, whatever I can, whenever I can. And Sunday IS Apollo’s day as far as I’m concerned. 🙂

Morning rite went well, as did the purification bath later. I spent a good chunk of the day when not working out on purifying and cleansing rituals, offering rites to Apollo. Later on in the evening I was part of an initiation rite for my coven.

I am nervous about the days ahead. All those interviews and craziness. Too many balls in the air and so much uncertainty.

Evening rite went well.