Each day that passes at my job I get more and more confirmations that I am probably being set up for failure, not deliberately or maliciously but because the heads are batshit, neurotic, paranoid, and can’t communicate well worth a damn to technical staff. Another coworker admitted he thought my boss was nuts for putting my project deadline where it’s at, and I KNOW it’s coming from above him at least but it doesn’t excuse how batshit it is.
As for the personal, spiritual, psychic shit and all of the dreams and crap…in waayyyy over my head. Not sure what’s more overwhelming: what’s inside or what’s outside. I wonder if this tension is deliberate. At least my kitties are okay. Made appointment for the glucose tolerance test. Fingers crossed.
Job situation holding steady so far, but will be glad to be done with this commute. I still anticipate more drama before it’s over unfortunately. It’s just the nature of these things.
My kitty’s blood work came back, and she’s doing far better than expected. Well enough to say that she will be in remission from diabetes and can go off of insulin soon. They want to do a glucose tolerance test to be sure. FANTASTIC news! Meanwhile she has energy I haven’t seen her have in years.
I have another massively intense personal situation on hold or at least as much of it on hold as I can get it. Shit’s accelerating/hitting the fan/descending into chaos in pretty much every area right now so I take any and all good news wherever I can get it. I have a grandmother with rapidly advancing Alzheimer’s and that’s also creating another situation of drama I’m staying as far away from as possible. I don’t think she’ll last another year unfortunately.
I am acutely aware of how much stress I have going on. Some of it I have channeled into humor vs ranting. It helped a lot. I hope to continue the trend.
I feel like most of what I do is work, sleep, eat, workout, and kitties. I feel like I’ve fallen behind in being able to focus on the things I needed to focus on in order to properly get myself in the mindset of this rite. I don’t know how much of this is by design, by accident, based on alchemy, or what.
Family in town again to help out. I hate needing to rely so much on others during this time but my life has really took a huge dump on me.
I feel somewhat less stressed and a bit relieved. I saw the job thing going south as of that hideous meeting/design review some weeks ago with my boss’ boss who was a total asshole to me and the other new person. And the commute’s the worst I’ve ever had and that’s saying something. I’m looking forward to being someplace far better.
I didn’t get much done today, but the weather was just crappy. Good day for tea and kitty cuddles. My father will be in town again to help out with the kitty vet appointment and my car’s getting appraised on Monday so I know what the damage cost will be for repair.
Things are kinda snowballing and I need a bit of a break.
I had it all but confirmed for me today; my boss told me the reason for the aggressive deadline on my project is that it’s expensive to have me. It’s not me, it’s the agency fee. I don’t see them converting me to perm or being able to afford me perm either. I’m pretty sure now I’m not going to have this job after Oct.
I’m both relieved and stressed. Fun, huh?
Well, if I’m right then the completion of this rite will coincide nicely with Samhain.
In the meantime, my cat is doing very well. One more week of oral meds plus a checkup.
Morning rite and noon prayer rite both went well, walk afterward.
I am beyond fried, barely motivated, and just holding on. I can’t quite put into words how I feel beyond feeling stretched tighter than a rubber band. I feel like I’ve read it all, meditated on it all…I’m just exhausted.
I’m probably overdue on purifications but I don’t have any sense or feeling on how much they’ll help. Right now I’m just going through the motions and hoping to make a number of breakthroughs to get me to where I need to be.