Abramelin, day 193

Morning rite and noon prayer rite went well.

Today has gone from “It’s not you, it’s the agency employing you” to “It’s you.” They called my boss and apparently pissed him off and now suddenly it’s a different story than what he originally said. No choice now, I HAVE to look for another job. So much for that reference. Basically since they pay me more than absolutely everyone else there including my boss (which keeps getting mentioned to me like it’s my fault or I should feel guilty about it or something) they expect me to be more “senior” than everyone, absolutely everyone. If I cough it’s a black mark on my record. They never should’ve hired me if they were going to be that resentful of my rate + what the agency charges as overhead and it makes me wonder how low they’re paying everyone else.

So much for getting a break from stress.  I am beginning to wonder if I have some fucked up curse in regards to jobs and employment. I badly want to be self employed and get away from all of this shit, but it’s very hard running a side business while all of this insanity is going on.

I don’t get it. More than six months later I’m still battling the same issues. Have I gotten anywhere at all? Has anything genuinely changed? And all I ever do is getting sucked up into this shit with no time for the shit that really matters. I started this operation with massive, horrible job issues and here I am again, same shit different job. Gods.

I have no idea what to do and I’m running out of options. I can’t live my life the way I’ve been living it, on ANY level, but beyond divine and/or magical intervention I have no idea how to get anything changed.

Evening rite…spent a good chunk of it ranting. Not in a good state right now.

2 thoughts on “Abramelin, day 193

  1. Nelson says:

    Don’t give up.

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