Abramelin, day 184

Morning and noon rites both went well.

Spent today being incredibly exhausted, finally got enough energy to walk 5 miles to and from dinner, 10 in all. I will probably pass out tonight early.

The walk was good, however. Got to clear my head, something I badly needed. I’m too tired, too stressed, and have too much weighing on my mind. All I want to do is go on at least a month long retreat far, far, far, far away from everything. Just me and the kitties.

Painfully aware that I am now at the six month mark. I had a feeling things would be extended a bit and that has never bothered me, but I feel like the heat has been turned up several degrees.

I absolutely, positively, cannot live my life the way I’ve been living it. I can’t be here six months from now let alone a year from now or longer. I must change or die. I suppose when someone like me fears lack of change more than actually changing perhaps that says something.

Evening rite went well.

Leave a Reply