Abramelin, day 136

Morning rite went well, but getting up was a struggle. I am exhausted. I suspect it’s due to much needed water. Downed some and was doing better.

Noon rite went well. Did it after my shower and purification bath.

The family drama is intensifying, and I’m resisting any and all attempts to drag me in. It’s VERY concerning, end of life issues for my last remaining grandparent and its impact on everyone else and all of the related problems. By the gods, I have enough going on as is. I am worried about my mom and my grandma–deeply worried–but there is literally nothing I can do but pray and send Reiki. Literally.

I very much want to dive deeply into the world and all its magic, and I have no idea how to do that with what I have at present in my life.

I lament to my gods that I didn’t win the lottery in lieu of a full time job. I very much like the people I am working with and it takes the pressure off of me as far as finances go, but I am so worried on its impact on the operation, especially in regards to needing to know a month in advance when the end of this operation will be so I can take that week off.

Stress. Stress. More stress. I need to continue marinating in lavender.

Evening rite went okay, but noticed I still have more work to do. A lot more.

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