Morning rite went well, was up at dawn yet again. I am not getting enough sleep by far, and it needs to stop before my immune system goes to shit. My body has a way of shutting itself down when it’s being put through too much.
Noon prayer rite went well. Afterward I went outside for a walk and dealt with my purification needs/troubles. Some reminders of why I am doing this rite were nice–not that I needed them, but it emphasizes and highlights certain things.
I get that I need to be well rounded and be in the world, “wax on wax off”, and learning to crawl before I can fly. I’ve been through a lot, gained a lot, throughout this experience. But I am painfully aware that I have a LONG way to go and I can’t see myself obtaining K&C in two months’ time. I’m sure a lot can happen in 2 months, but I am at this stage both skeptical and pessimistic.
Evening rite went…okay, but there was a fair amount of ranting. I am frustrated. I am not ungrateful to be where I’m at, but I am painfully aware of how much further I have to go, and it’s quite a long way.