That whole not sleeping in a consecrated space; I think I didn’t take that seriously enough. In my past travels, where I did the Abramelin and set up the space contained the bed I was in. I heard a really strange voice talking, thought it was coming from my Kindle, woke up with a start and couldn’t tell how much of it was dream and how much of it was reality. I’m taking that seriously from now on. I’ve never had to worry about that before in my own bedroom especially; I do rituals in there and have numerous altars to my gods and while I’ve had some interesting dreams this one was uh…very different. The rest of my dreams were equally bizarre.

Morning rite went well.

Today was two phone interviews, a workout, and lots of walking and running around. I barely had a moment to breathe.

Ranting in my head about the Situation That Won’t Get Resolved, and walked into a room that was playing a very particular song.  It may be part of the answer to my questions. There are no coincidences.

I had the insight of moving the sacred space marked by the crystals and extending it into the bedroom before tonight’s ritual. Hopefully this will help with the wackiness I got last night. I swear that felt like a genuine haunting. WOW

Evening rite went well. I know I have much to work on, but I’ve had some valuable insights.

I am up today an hour and a half before sunrise, which won’t be until I am on the road. I have opted for the usual morning rite regardless.  It went well.

I have about four hours of sleep in me and have been up since 3am, nearly 24 hours at this point. The traveling went well. There was free wine on the second flight, which I turned down. I am still sad about that; I absolutely love wine. It’s the sacrifices you make during this thing, I suppose.

More interviews have been scheduled. I have a technical one tomorrow while I am here, and a face to face one scheduled on Monday.

I feel like I just got off of a boat; I stand still and things keep moving. It’s going to be an interesting trip. Idea will be to be mindful of the gods in everything I do, no matter what–I received that message very clearly, to keep the gods in mind with everything I do here. I will keep to that.

Things I am noticing in this state: my instincts remain spot on, but I am more prone to analysis paralysis.

I used my compass app on my cell phone to find east, and…ahahah…the window that my hotel room looks out is perfectly facing east. Nicely played, HGA. Nicely played.

Evening rite went well.

Morning rite went well. Another day of back to back crazy, including a scare with my unemployment, or rather it looking like I wouldn’t have any. Thankfully it was straightened out. Thank Hermes. Thank Papa Legba. Thank absolutely any divinity or daemon who had a hand in that, GODS. I also have a number of places very interested in me, and looking for second and final rounds of interviews for next week. I pray, I pray….

My parents will be in town house hunting while I’m in Vegas. They leave Fri, I return Sun. The kitties will get cuddles, at least. One less thing to worry about. 🙂

I suspect this will be a very interesting couple of days: Abramelin in Vegas with lots of fitness’ing. Whee. Wax on, wax off.

Evening rite went well.

Morning rite went okay. I woke up from a dream late this morning which..well, illustrated a lot for me. Gods, I have so far to go and one particular issue has plagued me. I honestly don’t know how to deal with it except table it for until after the Abramelin and I (mostly) have my shit together. I’ve come so far, but…yeah. The other dream was strange: I was protecting and defending my sister, who was VERY pregnant. Her stomach looked like it was going to burst. Side note:  I have no sister. Hm.

I did a tarot reading for someone yesterday. Well, it started out with that intent, then I found myself giving a reading minus the cards. I don’t think I’ve ever really done that before.

Today was VERY crazy, one thing after another until I walked to dinner and back, total ~10 miles. Tomorrow is my last day before my trip.

Evening rite went well. The purifications continue.

Morning rite went well. And even over the weekend, recruiters are emailing me to schedule time for interviews next week with companies. I love this whole “I relax, do nothing, and let the universe work its magic” shit. It beats the pants out of my busting my ass and stressing for little reward. 😀

Not sure when to work the juice fasting day in, as I am in Vegas from Wed until Sun, and given my level of activity fasting will NOT be a good idea. Maybe first thing on Monday when I get back?

Regardless, today is Holy Hell Purification Day, because I need it. Bedding washed, laundry done, then the ritual bath.

I’ve been rereading Marriage of Cadmus and Harmony, fantastic book.

Evening rite went well.

Morning rite went well. However, the meal I had last night that I saw as a rare indulgence is not sitting well in my stomach. I may be in bed all day wondering why oh why I do this to myself. The healthier I eat on a regular basis, the less I tolerate any amount of unhealthy food. Things learned the hard way.

And because I am completely unable to stop myself from arguing with others when I see them saying stupid shit on the Internet, I need to avoid most if not all of my interactions with social media. It’s something I know I’ve been needing to do for a long time, but as an extrovert, it’s HARD…especially since all of the work I did in stage one of this operation helped me to get over a ton of shit that was preventing me from socializing in general. But now that I’m doing massively better I need to start adulting, and if I can’t control myself in these spaces from being my usual opinionated self, then I need to take my opinions somewhere else for a while so I don’t get sucked into negative drama llama. Even as I find myself typing this paragraph, I’m engaging in conversation online. I think it’s surpassing “bad habit” territory here. I thought I had this under control and apparently I do not. Maybe the stress from the job hunt is getting to me?

If on the six month plan, I should be at the halfway point pretty soon. I feel like I have so, so much further to go. I keep wondering, am I doing this right? Is this shit even working? Arghh

Rite with my coven this evening, was a smaller group than usual but went well. Lots of insights and good conversation.

Evening rite went well, I think. I am, as usual, trying too hard at absolutely everything and need to chill.

Morning rite went well. I had woken up at dawn but I wasn’t feeling too good, so I said some prayers in bed and got up later for the actual rite itself. Before I went into the temple room, I felt the phrase very clearly: “Be in the world, but not of it.”

I am wondering if my job situation is a test of sorts, the idea of being just as spiritually and psychically attuned as I would be under intense concentration but while still being in the world. Perhaps less of a test and more of a lesson. I can’t help but feel that there’s less of a retreat for this operation than for some, and I wonder why it’s going so very differently for me. Are the lessons I require that different?

Today is definitely more low key than yesterday, although I did deal with a LOT of recruiters this afternoon. I also had another phone interview.

I end my day both tired and stressed. I hope I accomplished good things today. I got in an offering rite to Hermes, even.

Evening rite went well. I had an insight during which is highlighting the stress I’ve been under: the mindset I need for these interviews and all of the technical stuff is VERY different from the one I have the rest of the time, each hemisphere of my brain is duking it out with the other. It was like whiplash going from it to my job in Salem performing psychic readings on weekends in October; I remember that all too well. In short, it’s very much at odds. The Abramelin has me reaching into my intuitive, creative, and emotional parts of my brain, and working on technical stuff pulls me right out. And I think that’s really what’s driving me to want to leave the IT world: I don’t know how to get the two worlds to not be oil and water, and it’s very jarring going from one to the other.

Hm.

Morning rite went well, did it at dawn since I was up.

Today was stressful but nowhere near the amount of pain I had expected. I didn’t get the job I went for last week, which I am frankly relieved to hear about for a variety of reasons I’d rather not blog about. The job I had the phone interviews for today (yes, plural) sounds like an awesome fit but could be high volumes of stress and possibly a lot of hours. I picture how well that would go with the Abramelin and my plans to get self employed and I want to go curl up in a corner somewhere and have a panic attack, cry, or both.

Went to a job fair later, and it got me numerous leads. Not bad! Maybe one will pan out, who knows. In the meantime, I am continuing to feel that I will be unemployed for longer than I would see as being comfortable, and I have no idea what to do. I am going to have to get creative.

This job search is sucking a LOT of energy out of me, and having job search related stuff from 9:30am-9:00pm with small breaks for eating and a quick workout probably didn’t help. I pray tomorrow will be a lot more balanced and a lot less like today.

Evening rite went well, and an insight: interesting that after two days of focused, intense purification I get a day like today. Hm.