Morning rite went well. I had woken up at dawn but I wasn’t feeling too good, so I said some prayers in bed and got up later for the actual rite itself. Before I went into the temple room, I felt the phrase very clearly: “Be in the world, but not of it.”
I am wondering if my job situation is a test of sorts, the idea of being just as spiritually and psychically attuned as I would be under intense concentration but while still being in the world. Perhaps less of a test and more of a lesson. I can’t help but feel that there’s less of a retreat for this operation than for some, and I wonder why it’s going so very differently for me. Are the lessons I require that different?
Today is definitely more low key than yesterday, although I did deal with a LOT of recruiters this afternoon. I also had another phone interview.
I end my day both tired and stressed. I hope I accomplished good things today. I got in an offering rite to Hermes, even.
Evening rite went well. I had an insight during which is highlighting the stress I’ve been under: the mindset I need for these interviews and all of the technical stuff is VERY different from the one I have the rest of the time, each hemisphere of my brain is duking it out with the other. It was like whiplash going from it to my job in Salem performing psychic readings on weekends in October; I remember that all too well. In short, it’s very much at odds. The Abramelin has me reaching into my intuitive, creative, and emotional parts of my brain, and working on technical stuff pulls me right out. And I think that’s really what’s driving me to want to leave the IT world: I don’t know how to get the two worlds to not be oil and water, and it’s very jarring going from one to the other.