I should not be waking up in the morning and first thing I do before I even do the Abramelin is be on Facebook. That ends today. It’s embarrassing to admit to but there you have it; it’s an immense energy suck that is doing no one any favors. I think this morning’s rite went well, but it mostly went into a rant on–you guess it–boundaries. I like to be a force for good in the world and there are certain causes I believe in. But I need to figure out a) how to be discerning in which ones I engage in b) more discerning in how I choose to engage them c) how much energy I engage in the doings of said things and d) how to let go after I’ve engaged so that it doesn’t continue to drain the life out of me in the rest of my day. I also need to figure out how to best communicate this to people in a way that doesn’t make them feel that they’re either bothering me or it’s their fault; it’s not. I want to continue to be around for people when they need me, and my nature is to do and be just that. I just have to monitor myself accordingly so that I can be of better help to them because let’s face it…they deserve better and so do I.
Or as I best phrased it online:
If I were engaged in looking upon cute cat pictures after I wake up and before I do my Abramelin rite, I could at least argue that I’m focusing on uplifting shit which puts me into a positive frame of mind. If I spent it in private message with someone offering hugs and support in a time of crisis, I too could argue I’m spending my time doing good things before I enter into the temple room for my morning operation.
When I find myself engaged in arguments online before I do my morning rite, I am in need of adulting. I have to put on my big girl pants and stop this nonsense. I am badly in need of being more discerning with how I’m spending my energies.
So I spent the day on two things: 1) moving my focus elsewhere 2) finding new avenues for that.
Evening rite went okay, but I am WIPED. Lots of stuff I’m still processing, and I think it’s drained the crap out of me.